


Nothing For Christmas

by Avirra



Series: Emergency Holiday Tales [1]
Category: Emergency!
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-09
Updated: 2014-03-09
Packaged: 2018-01-15 03:10:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 27,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1288903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avirra/pseuds/Avirra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some times Christmas plans just don't work out.  But when Joanne gets angry because Roy has to work on the holiday, will more than their relationship be threatened?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It all started when there was a car explosion while the B-shift paramedics of Station 51 were too close for comfort. Thankfully, they wouldn't be out of commission for too long, but they were going to miss their scheduled shifts on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It was decided that A-shift would cover for them on Christmas Eve while C-shift would cover Christmas Day rather than calling in paramedics from other stations off of their holidays. Roy got the call letting him know on December 23rd, just before heading out for what should have been his last day of work until after Christmas.

Roy wasn't naive enough to imagine that Joanne wouldn't be irritated when their Christmas plans would have to be altered without warning. What he hadn't figured on was that she was far beyond irritated. She was livid. And the focus of all of her fury wasn't the unfortunate circumstances or even the fickle whims of fate. No, her anger was firmly centered on her stunned husband. Every word landed like a blow he had no way to soften or evade. The last part that she yelled nearly ripped his heart out.

"You are absolutely **not** going to ruin another Christmas for me and our children. I'm going to take them to my mother's. We'll be back on New Years Day. If you aren't scheduled then as well."

The tirade ended with her slamming their bedroom door. Roy hoped that the kids hadn't heard too much of the yelling, but he knew better when he caught sight of their faces. He didn't know how to apologize. He wasn't even sure he should try. He settled for gathering them to him, hugging them tightly and kissing them, making sure he could keep his voice steady before finally speaking.

"You guys know I love you, right? I wish I could be with you, but since I can't, I hope you both have fun at your grandmother's house. I'll call you on Christmas morning and you can tell me what all Santa brought you, okay?"

Chris gave a small smirk and rolled his eyes just a little at the mention of Santa Claus, but didn't ruin it for his little sister. They both returned their father's hugs and kisses, then went to the window and waved as they watched him head out to work.

Johnny knew something was wrong the second he caught his first glimpse of Roy. And Roy knew that he knew just from noticing the way Johnny's smile fell. Heading over to his concerned partner, Roy managed a weak smile and laid his hand on Johnny's shoulder.

"Please? Do us both a favor and don't ask, okay? I really don't feel up to talking about it right now, Junior."

"Sure. Whatever you want, pally."

The weak smile got a little brighter at that and that was as close to a real smile as anyone saw out of Roy that entire shift.

Roy drove home when it was over to get a little rest before the Christmas Eve shift. His house looked abandoned. No voices. No lights. He started to reach for the light switch when his eyes fell on the Christmas tree. He stopped in mid-motion. The presents that had been piled under the tree were all gone. Every single one - even the ones that the kids had made and put under the tree for him. Seeing them gone was worse than a slap.

Closing the door, Roy didn't bother turning the lights on. He wasn't hungry anymore. Instead, he just made his way up to his bedroom only to find that Joanne had stripped the bed the way that she usually did when they were going to be gone away from the house for more than a day or two. Sighing, Roy grabbed up a pillow and a blanket, heading downstairs with them to sleep on the couch.

If someone had asked Johnny yesterday, he would have told them that he couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his partner so miserable. As Roy came in on Christmas Eve, he was even lower. Johnny couldn't stand it any longer and gently prodded his best friend about what was wrong. It was as if he'd poked a hole in a full water balloon. Once Roy started talking, it all came gushing out. He didn't even notice that some of the other firemen were around and within hearing range.

Truthfully, Johnny didn't notice them either. His full attention was centered on his hurting friend and partner.

"Roy? Why don't you come and spend Christmas Day at my place? I'd really enjoy some company."

"That's real nice of you to offer, Johnny. But -"

"Hey, pally - you don't have to decide right now. Just, you know, think about it, okay?"

Smiling a little, Roy finally looked up into his eyes.

"Okay."

It was a busy evening. While it stank for those involved that people were needing their help on Christmas Eve, at least none of the calls had involved anything extremely serious. Roy was grateful that it was keeping his mind occupied so that he wasn't thinking about anything outside of work. It was about an hour before the end of the shift when the call came in that none of them had wanted to hear. A fire had started in a block of residential apartments.

Arriving on scene, Johnny and Roy quickly climbed into their gear. There was bound to be a search for any residents that might not have made it out. Just as they were starting over to the Captain for orders, a frantic woman came rushing up to them. Her words were a jumble of English and Spanish, but they made out the reason for her panic easily enough. Her son and daughter were still inside. Quickly getting the number of her apartment from her, they passed over the information to the Captain who immediately gave permission for the search to begin.

The pair quickly made their way to the fourth floor apartment. The smoke was rising from the fires burning below, but none of the flames had made it that level yet. They knew time wasn't on their side though. Fortunately, the apartment door wasn't locked so they didn't have to waste time breaking in.

Johnny quickly found the boy due to hearing his coughing. He had apparently collapsed on his way to the door. He was still conscious, but having some trouble breathing.

"It's too smoky in here, Johnny. Go ahead and get him clear. I'll keep looking for his sister."

Much as Johnny hated to leave Roy, the young boy was his priority. Lifting him up to carry him out, Johnny made his way back down the stairs and out the door as quickly as he could safely manage. To his relief, he saw that another paramedic team was onsite and had set up a triage area. That meant he'd be able to turn the boy over to them and head back in to help Roy.

He had just laid the boy down in the triage area when Johnny ended up on his rear there himself as an explosion rocked the area. All of the assembled firefighters paused for a split second. An explosion of that magnitude wasn't anything that should have come from an apartment building. A quick glance back to the apartments gave Johnny a sick feeling. The entrance he'd come out of just minutes before was now fully engulfed in flames.

Inside on the fourth floor Roy had been knocked off of his feet by the blast and he had landed hard against a counter on his way to the floor. The pain in his side was one that he'd unfortunately felt before. He figured he had to have a least one or two cracked ribs, possibly even broken. There was no time to worry about that though. An explosion was never good news and it felt like it had originated below him. That meant that the structure could be unsound now and might be in danger of collapsing,

Urgently calling out, Roy pressed on. Recalling that the mother was bilingual, he decided to try a phrase that he'd asked Marco to teach him along with English. Maybe the girl was scared and hiding.

"No tengas miedo, por favor. I just want to help you."

There was no response for a minute, but then he saw a closet door move and heard a cough. That cough seemed like the sweetest thing he'd ever heard. Roy quickly gave the young girl some breaths from his mask as he keyed his walkie-talkie. His eyes were on her the whole time. She looked to be just a little younger than his own daughter.

"Captain. I found the girl. Do we still have an exit through the door?"

"Negative. Can you get to a window? We can get a ladder up to you."

"Affirmative on the window. Keep everyone back and I'll break it open. You'll need to send someone up to help the girl down."

The Captain frowned slightly at the way that was phrased.

"DeSoto - are you injured?"

"Also affirmative, but I am still ambulatory."

"Acknowledged. All clear and standing by."

Roy was starting to get choked on the smoke himself and the coughing didn't feel good on his bad ribs. Moving over to the girl, he told her to take a couple of deep breaths and then pass him the mask. Once he had it, he tried to saturate his lungs as much as he could with a few deep breaths despite the discomfort it caused. As he handed the mask back to her, Roy spotted a stuffed animal and grabbed it up to hand to her as well. She clutched onto it and gave him a small smile. He returned the smile as he shut the main door into the room and stuffed one of her blankets against the bottom of the door. The last thing he wanted was for the air coming in from the broken window to feed the fire.

Once he was finished, he made use of a wooden chair to break out the window, using the protection of his turnout jacket to help clear out the remaining glass. Once he was satisfied, he went back to the girl, who immediately offered him the mask again. He took her with him back to the window, talking to her as they went between coughs. Roy wasn't sure how much, if any English, she spoke, but he hoped the tone of his voice would help to reassure her and keep her calm as they continued to pass the mask back and forth between them. He told her about his own little girl who was just a little older than her.

Hearing a noise, Roy looked out of the window and was relieved beyond words to see the ladder. The noise he had heard was one of the firemen climbing up to take charge of the girl.

Roy assisted the girl through the window, then bent over to pick up his air bottle so that he could get the straps back into position.

Already pacing, Johnny was watching as the fireman and girl were nearing the bottom of the ladder. Then another explosion ripped through the building. Instinctively the girl and fireman both clung to the shuddering ladder for dear life. Once it and they both stopped shaking, they made it the rest of the way down.

Flames were now shooting out of the third floor windows and Johnny's heart was pounding when he couldn't catch sight of Roy. Impatiently he looked to the Captain, eyes begging to be allowed to head up the ladder and look for his partner. The Captain hesitated, then nodded as he motioned for some of the men to get out the life net. He hoped they wouldn't have to use it,

"Make it fast, Gage. One more of those and the whole building is likely to go."

"Right, Cap."

Johnny wasn't sure whether to be pleased or scared when he got to the window. Roy was within sight, but he was lying far too still for Johnny's comfort. Quickly, he went in and ripped off a glove. A minute later, Johnny took a shaky breath when he found Roy's pulse and gave silent thanks to his ancestors. While alive, it was obvious that his friend wasn't going to make it out under his own power.

Quickly, Johnny took a firm hold of Roy's turnout jacket and drug him to the window. Carefully climbing out around his injured partner, he wished there was time to get a stokes up to the window, but with something unknown having already caused two explosions, he was going to have to risk causing further injury. They had to get out of the building and they had to get out now.

Once he was solidly on the ladder, he reached back through to pull Roy out. While he didn't like seeing the wince of pain on his friend's face, the fact that he finally got a response of any sort was a good sign. Johnny had almost got him completely out when another explosion threw Roy out the rest of the way. The concussive force knocked Johnny off the ladder as well and their fellow firemen watched horrified as two of their own fell.

Down below, the firemen with the life net quickly braced themselves. Roy hit the net first with Johnny landing almost directly on top of him. Not the ideal scenario, but far better than impacting on the unforgiving ground. It was obvious that Roy was in a bad way and Johnny was stunned himself, so the pair were quickly taken over to the triage area.

While it had seemed far longer for those who had been watching and waiting on the ground, not a lot of time had actually passed since the rescue men had first entered the building. Both of the children were nearby receiving oxygen to help ease their breathing while waiting for the ambulance to arrive with their mother beside them. When she saw the condition of the two men that had she had asked to save her children, she crossed herself and began to whisper a prayer for them both. She also understood completely when the first ambulance to arrive was used to take the two paramedics to the hospital. Her children, thank God, were not in as serious condition as they were. Another ambulance was already on the way, so they wouldn't be far behind.

Johnny knew he likely had a concussion along with bruising, but that didn't concern him at all. The lack of even so much as a groan from Roy since the last explosion that had him worried during the ride to the hospital. And from the expression on the face of the paramedic riding in with them, he wasn't the only one concerned.

Dixie looked up as the gurneys came down the hall, then she was on her feet. She hadn't known the injured firemen coming in were Roy and Johnny. She couldn't help but feel almost like family with the pair after having gone through so much with them. And just one look at Johnny's face told her that Roy was the one is the worst condition on this occasion. She directed them to seperate treatment rooms then went into Roy's room herself.

Roy's stillness and continuing lack of response even when his ribcage was being examined was not good. The x-ray machine was sent for and Dixie headed to the phones to try and contact Roy's wife. When there wasn't an answer, she went back in to both check on Johnny and to find out if he possibly knew how to get in touch with Joanne.

Dr Early was just finishing his exam of Johnny. He wanted to see a set of x-rays to rule out any cracks, but the young paramedic seemed to have come out of the experience battered and bruised, but with his only serious injury being a concussion. Though he was going to end up spending at least overnight in the hospital for observation and to help him out with pain management. Just because nothing was life threatening didn't mean Johnny wasn't in a lot of pain.

Coming in, Dixie gave him a smile and moved over to take hold of Johnny's left hand as it currently didn't have any tube or leads in it.

"Rough Christmas, tiger?"

A quirked smile flashed briefly.

"You could say that. How's Roy?"

"That was something I wanted to ask you about. I couldn't reach Joanne on the phone. Do you have any idea how we might be able to reach her?"

It only took a second for it to sink in that Dixie had gone around his question.

"That bad, huh? Dix? Can we speak? Privately?"

Dixie shooed the other nurse out of the room then pulled a stool over next to Johnny.

"Sounds like a long story is in the works."

"Yeh. In a way, I feel bad having to tell this, but you've told us before that a patient's mental state can make a big difference in how well they do, right?"

"Right... oh no. You mean there's a problem between Roy and his wife?"

"Well, not so much a problem on Roy's end unless you hold being a fireman against him. You know we were covering B-shift last night?"

"That's right. You know, I'd been wondering where Captain Stanley was. He's usually under my feet checking to see how you guys are if any of your crew has been injured."

"Well, apparently Joanne bit Roy's head off when she found out we were going to have to work Christmas Eve. He wouldn't tell me about it at first, but it was bothering him so bad that he finally told me all about it. he said that she told him that she wasn't going to let him ruin another Christmas and packed herself and the kids off to her mom's house. Even took away the presents the kids had made for Roy. She won't be back until New Years."

There was a solid frown on Dixie's face. Support of family and friends could sometimes make all the difference.

"Well, hopefully she's gotten over being angry about Christmas enough to be there for Roy. Do you have any idea how to reach her mother?"

"Nope. Just as a warning if you do find her number? Ask to speak to Joanne directly. Her mother doesn't like Roy."

Rubbing her forehead, Dixie sighed.

"Just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?"

She didn't voice it, but she wondered how a sweet guy like Roy ended up in a situation where the people that should be his support network were chipping away at the foundations instead of strengthening them. Johnny's voice brought her back from her morose thoughts.

"He's in a coma, isn't he?"

Reaching up, she brushed some of Johnny's hair off of his forehead.

"Yes, John, he is."

"How are the kids we found?"

"They're both going to be just fine. They're going to be kept overnight for observation, but you two managed to take all the lumps for them."

"Good. Roy will be glad to hear that. It hits him hard when kids are involved."

"Oh, like you take it in stride?"

"Alright, alright. It hits both of us hard when kids are involved."

"Get some rest, John. They'll be in to take your x-rays as soon as they've finished with Roy."


	2. Chapter 2

As Dixie left the treatment room Johnny was in, she almost did trip over Captain Stanley - though it took her a moment to place him. She was more used to seeing him in uniform. She then quickly realized that all of the rest of A-shift was with him, all in their off-duty clothes. She was also quickly surrounded by them.

"Thank God - a familiar face. Nurse McCall, how are my men?"

Her hesitation made all four faces fall. Then she lifted her hands as she gathered her thoughts

"Roy's being x-rayed right now, but I think Johnny would really feel better seeing all of you here. Just keep it down, okay? He's not complaining, but I know he's bound to have a massive headache."

Dixie opened the door to the treatment room again and spoke softly.

"John?"

"Already time for the x-rays? Seems like you just left."

"No, not time yet. But would you like a little company?"

Looking over to the door, Johnny caught sight of his shift mates and answered Dixie by breaking out into a huge grin. Smirking a bit, Dixie held the door and the four men filed in, two going on either side of the examination table Johnny was resting on.

"What is this, Gage? Can't I let you twits out of my sight for a minute?"

"Guess not, Cap. Hey, I didn't black out, did I? Isn't it still Christmas?"

Marco looked over Johnny and found a relatively unbruised spot on his friend to lay his hand.

"Yes, it is. And my mother is going to be sending me back here with a Christmas meal for you and Roy as soon as they clear you to eat real food."

Seeing the slight grimace on Johnny's face, and knowing it couldn't have anything to do with Mrs. Lopez's cooking, Chet did as he normally did. Dove in where angels sometimes feared to tread instead of holding back.

"Johnny, is it true what Roy's wife did? Acted like Roy was deliberately ruining Christmas for their kids?"

Stunned, Johnny looked over to Chet.

"Where'd you hear that?"

"B-shift guys told me. Apparently you and Roy were so caught up talking to each other, you forgot you weren't the only guys in the room."

Groaning, Johnny laid his head back while the others gave Chet a _'did you have to bring that up?'_ look. But when Johnny spoke again, they quickly forgave Chet's big mouth.

"I guess in a way that's for the best. I mean, I wanted to let you guys know that we need to support Roy more than usual, but I didn't know how to bring it up without going behind his back. I mean - I told Dix, but that's because it might be affecting his recovery, you know?"

Hank just nodded and, seeing the guilty expression on Johnny's face over having to do even that much, he tried to soothe his younger paramedic.

"You did the right thing. They need to know things like that. So, what shape are you in?"

"Concussion. Other than that, just some smoke inhalation, bumps and bruises. Dr. Early said they'll be taking x-rays just to make sure nothing's cracked or broken, but he doesn't think anything is. Just a precaution."

A rueful look formed on Johnny's face.

"Roy broke my fall. I'm just glad I didn't land on him bottle first."

Everyone winced at that thought. Mike finally spoke up.

"And how's Roy?"

"He's - he's in a coma. How bad he is beyond that, I don't know. He was injured before the last explosion, but I don't know the extent of what's wrong. I know his ribs were hurting him from the way he was reacting when I was trying to get him out, but he was inside the building for three explosions. He's being x-rayed now. Say, they figure out what was causing all of those blasts? It was an apartment building, not a factory."

Sighing, Hank shook his head.

"Utter stupidity is what caused it. Manager of those apartment had - get this - about six stills set up in the basement of that building. Distilling in an area with inadequate ventilation located near the furnace room. It was only a matter of time before enough fumes built up to start a flash fire and from there, as the stills overheated, they blew. It was pure luck that most of the people living there were out visiting family."

His crew just gave him an incredulous look. A set-up like that in a basement was idiotic enough. Doing it in the basement of an apartment building took it to a whole other level of insanity.

Marco spoke up again.

"That reminds me. The guys said that Mrs. Medina called asking about you two."

A frown formed on Johnny's face as he tried to connect that name. In deference to his aching head, he gave up.

"Who?"

"Mrs. Medina is the mother of the two kids you and Roy rescued. Her mother lives in the same building and she'd left the kids upstairs while she took a plate of food down to the first floor where her mother's apartment is. Well, was. Next thing she knew, she was having to help get her mother outside because the fire had broken out. Her mother's in a wheelchair. She'd just gotten her to safety and they wouldn't let her go back inside for her kids. That was when she spotted you fellows and ran over."

"Oh, man - no wonder she was so panicked."

"She feels really bad that you two got hurt. She said to pass along that you're in her prayers."

Johnny cast a look to the wall between his treatment room and Roy's.

"Good. We can use all the help we can get."

At her mother's house, Joanne had spent most of Christmas Eve listening to her mother cataloguing the reasons she should never have married Roy in the first place. Normally, Joanne would be arguing in Roy's defense, but she just didn't have the energy for it. Chris and Kim stayed to themselves, giving both women as wide a berth as they could.

The situation escalated on Christmas morning. It started when Joanne started passing out the presents to be opened and Kim spotted the one she made and wrapped for her father among the packages. She started crying because he wouldn't be able to open his present from her on Christmas. Joanne tried to calm her back down, feeling guilty about upsetting her. She'd just grabbed up all of the presents under the tree without separating them.

It didn't improve things when the kids opened their own gifts from their father. Ever since they had gotten big enough to make something for him, Roy had made sure to make something himself to give back to them. His own father had done wood working as a hobby and Roy had many of his father's old tools. Chris's gift was a set of three yo-yos of different sizes and painted in different colors. Kim's was doll bed that had been made the right size for her favorite doll and painted lilac, which was currently her favorite color. Chris bit his tongue when he heard his grandmother make a remark about cheap gifts.

Once all of her presents were open, Kim parked herself right by the phone to await the call that he'd promised them on Christmas morning. As the morning got later and no call came, their mother grew angry once more and their grandmother's comments about their father became disparaging again. Seeing his little sister upset, Chris finally lost his own temper and snapped at them.

"Dad doesn't ever break his promises to us. Something happened or he would have called."

That thought had been somewhere in the back of Joanne's mind, but her son's words brought it forward fast. Picking up the phone, she dialed their house and got nothing but the answering machine. Then she called another number she knew as well as their own. Johnny's. If Roy wasn't at home, odds were that he was with Johnny. There was no answer there either and that made her concern start to rise. There was always the chance that they'd gotten stuck at the station, so her next call was to Station 51.

When she identified who she was, the sudden silence on the other end of the line caused her stomach to knot. Then the on duty Captain came on the phone with two sentences that froze her blood.

"You might want to call Rampart. They've been trying to reach you."

The sudden pallor in his mother's face didn't escape Chris's attention.

"Mom? What's wrong?"

"I don't know. Mother? Where is your phone book?"

Dixie was in the middle of a reviving cup of coffee when the phone rang beside her. The cup was sat down immediately when she found out who was on the other end.

"Joanne, this is Dixie McCall. Do you remember me?"

"Yes, yes, of course. I called the station and they said you'd been trying to reach me. Is it Roy? What happened?"

"There was an incident. Both Roy and Johnny were involved. Joanne, you might want to get here as soon as you can. We're still trying to determine the extent of his injuries, but Roy hasn't woken up yet."

"I'm on my way."

Hanging up the phone, Joanne looked to her mother.

"I've got to get to Rampart. Can the kids -"

"No."

Both women turned their heads at the interruption. Chris was on his feet, protectively holding Kim at his side.

"We want to come with you, Mom."

His grandmother tried a wheedling tone on him.

"Now Chris, you two need to stay here. Your mother will be busy with your father and -"

Joanne saw the storm in Chris's eyes just before it broke and realized one thing she wasn't a bit proud of. Her son had inherited her quick temper. Sure enough, Chris turned on his grandmother, but he didn't yell this time. In a way, the matter of fact tone he used was even worse.

"What do you care? You don't even like Dad."

Then Kim turned her blue eyes - the same shade of blue as her father's - onto Joanne.

"Please, Mommy? I want to see Daddy."

Joanne took a deep breath to steady herself as all the things the children might have overheard ran through her head. Then she nodded.

"Go get your things together quickly. We have to get going."


	3. Chapter 3

After all the x-rays were done, Roy's broken ribs were carefully taped. Dr. Brackett was relieved to see that none of the breaks were bad enough to require surgical intervention. Roy's body had already gone through enough trauma without adding surgery to the list. He made the decision to put Johnny and Roy in a room together in hopes that being near Johnny might help stimulate him back out of his coma. The tests had shown minimal swelling of the brain and no bleeding had been detected, so the doctor had high hopes that Roy could start coming out of it at any time.

At the moment, he was in his office, tapping a pencil against his desk while thinking. Dixie had filled him in on what she'd learned from speaking with Johnny and also told him about speaking to Joanne over the phone. Much as it was disagreeable, he knew that he needed to have a long talk with Joanne before allowing her to see Roy. The last thing the paramedic needed was to have her in the room with him if she was still angry at him.

As Joanne parked at the hospital, she tried not to let Chris and Kim see her jumble of emotions. She had to admit that her head was an mess. She was anxious to see if Roy was alright, frustrated at his job that put him in constant danger and irritated with herself for blaming her husband for things that were beyond his control. And even with all of that, part of her was still angry at him for all of this happening. Christmas had been ruined. She had so many wonderful memories of Christmas from her childhood and she was beginning to wonder if her children were going to feel deprived at the lack of those sorts of memories when they were grown with children of their own.

Dixie saw them coming and directed them to one of the waiting rooms.

"Dr. Brackett is checking on Roy and Johnny right now. Then he'll be out to have a word with you before you go in to see them. Hello, Kimberly - Christopher. Can I get you guys some juice?"

Both children said hello back, but politely declined the juice. As she fidgeted in her chair, Kim looked around the waiting room and not far away, she saw a family of four, just like hers. A mom, a dad, a brother and a sister. As she was looking, the girl turned her head and looked right at her. For some reason, it was like the girl seemed to know her, but Kim was sure she'd never seen the girl before. Finally, the girl got up and shyly moved a little closer.

"Perdon - excuse me, por favor. But are you Kimberly?"

The question got Joanne and Chris both looking around as Kim nodded. The other girl turned to her mother and said something quickly in Spanish before rushing over and offering her hands to Kim.

"I heard so much about you. Your papa told me when he saved me. You have pretty eyes just like his."

The rest of the girl's family came over and the father offered his hand to Joanne.

"I am Gabriel Medina. This is my wife, Tia and our children, Eliana and Jorge. Our children were just released a little while ago, but we have been waiting for a chance to thank the firemen that saved them."

Taking the offered hand, Joanne felt a little choked up as she spoke.

"Joanne DeSoto and this is my son, Chris. Apparently you already know Kim's name."

Nodding, the man smiled as he looked at the girl his daughter was still beside.

"Yes. The fireman and our daughter were trapped together while waiting for a ladder to reach them. Eliana told us that the fireman kept her calm by telling her about his own daughter. The one that likes lilacs and horses."

Kim looked a little shy herself at that, then was a little startled when Eliana impulsively hugged her. After just a second, she hugged the other girl back. The two boys looked at each other warily as if each were afraid that the other might go in for the mushy girl stuff. Then Chris offered his hand to a relieved Jorge who took it and shook it firmly.

Chris frowned suddenly as a thought occurred to him.

"You guys lost your home? On Christmas?"

Mr. Medina gave his son's shoulders a light squeeze.

"We just lost things, young man. Our church has found a shelter for us until we can find another place to live. Thanks to your father and his partner, everything that matters was saved."

The door opened then and Dr. Brackett entered.

"Mr. and Mrs. Medina? Mister Gage is ready to see you. I'll have to ask you to keep the visit short since these aren't visiting hours, but I think it will do his morale a world of good to see you. Especially your children. I've been answering questions about their condition ever since they brought him in."

As they filed past him, Dr. Brackett turned his attention to Joanne, though he spoke to the children first.

"Chris, Kim? Mind if I borrow your mother for a minute? Then you can all go in and see your father."

The doctor wanting to see her alone worried Joanne, but she followed him to his officer and took the offered seat.

"Mrs. DeSoto. Joanne. I don't know any way around this other than get straight to the point. I've heard that you were pretty angry with Roy because he had to fill-in on a shift. I need you to be honest with me and tell me if you still are."

Joanne was a bit stunned at the question. How on Earth did he know?

"Did Roy wake up for a few minutes?"

Dr. Brackett considered for a moment how to answer that. By this time, he'd spoken with Captain Stanley and knew that the situation was known pretty much by everyone assigned to Station 51.

"No, he didn't. But Johnny had noticed that he was upset and got Roy to talk it out. They didn't realize that some of the other guys were in hearing range."

Joanne flushed at the thought of the things that she'd said being common knowledge at the station. She couldn't bring herself to meet the doctor's eyes when she answered him.

"Honestly, I was still a little angry. Until a few minutes ago. Now? Now I'm just embarrassed."

"Oh? What happened a few minutes ago?"

"The Medinas. Here I've been griping and complaining - yelling even - about Christmas being ruined. Just because we weren't all going to be together on Christmas Eve. Those people lost their home. They almost lost their children. Dr. Brackett? Their Captain and the Battalion Chief. Any time I've spoken with them, they tell me that Johnny and Roy are the best paramedic team out there. Are they really? Or do they say the same thing to every wife?"

That seemed like an off-topic question, but he answered it truthfully.

"We have some fine paramedics, but they really are the best team we have out there. I don't even think there would be a paramedic program without your husband. I'm embarrassed myself to have to admit having to be one of the ones that he brought around to believing it was a good idea. And I occasionally have nightmares when I think about the number of lives that would have been lost if he hadn't changed my way of thinking."

He took a deep breath, then spoke again.

"The anger and frustration you've been feeling? I'm sure that there are a lot of the families of firemen that go through that. I'm not saying it very well, but you have a right to your feelings. I just would prefer that you don't express them around Roy while he's in recovery. He might not be able to comprehend what you're saying or he might understand every word. In case it's the latter, try to keep things upbeat. The sooner he wakes up, the better his chances are for a quick recovery."

"Exactly what's wrong with him?"

"Concussion, bruising, some broken ribs along with some cracked ribs. There's some brain swelling, but that's already showing signs of going down on its own."

"Can we see him now?"

"Yes. I think so. Let's go get your kids. Like I told the Medinas, the visit will need to be short tonight. Their bodies have had a rough time of it, so the guys need their rest."

The Medinas were still having a conversation with Johnny when he shifted his eyes to watch as the door opened for Joanne, Chris and Kim to come in. Kim blew a kiss over to him and Johnny pretended to catch it the way that he always did with her. Chris just gave a little wave, but both children quickly centered their attention on the all too still form of their father.

Kim didn't hesitate. She went right up to the side of the bed and laid her hand on her father's arm. Then she began to tell him all about the presents that she'd gotten and especially spoke at length about the doll bed that he'd made for her. She told him about what they'd eaten and how grandmother's tree had looked. Without being told, Kim left out anything unpleasant and just concentrated on what had been nice.

Chris followed suit and began talking when Kim started to run out of things to say. Joanne just stayed back and let them do the talking. Personally, she felt that if she were Roy, her voice would be the last thing that she'd want to hear.

Eliana looked over and Kim saw her, extending a hand to the slightly younger girl. Coming over, Eliana grasped Kim's hand and looked over Roy. Kim gave her an encouraging smile.

"It's okay. You can go ahead and speak to him if you like. He can hear us, he just can't answer us right now. He'll be so happy that you're okay."

Timidly, Eliana laid her free hand next to Kim's on Roy's arm. Her voice was barely over a whisper.

"Gracias. Papa says that you are a paramedic. I want to be one like you when I grow up. Or maybe a nurse."

Chris heard the change in breathing. His father had taken in a deeper breath suddenly, then released almost like a sigh.

"Mom! Get Dr. Brackett. I think Dad heard her."

Johnny had been fighting sleep, but those words brought him fully awake again. Everyone was practically holding their breath as Joanne went for the doctor. Neither of the young girls moved or pulled their hands away from Roy's arm.

Dr. Brackett hurried in, a smile forming as the blue and brown eyes of the girls fixed on him. Picking up the arm across from them, he felt Roy's pulse.

"Roy? Roy, it's Dr. Brackett. Can you hear me?"

Roy's head moved just a little and the faintest signs of frustration could be seen on his face.

"Easy. Relax. The kids you and Johnny found are just fine. In fact, they've been released to their parents and stopped by to see you hose-jockeys on their way out. Johnny's in here too. Didn't see any point wasting another room when you two spend all your time by each other's bed any way."

There was a slight twitch that looked like the attempt at a smile. Mrs. Medina crossed herself again, this time before saying a brief prayer of thankfulness. Quirking a smile, Dr. Brackett laid Roy's hand back down, then spoke to the others.

"I think everything's going to be fine, but these two need to get some rest now. And all of you look like you could use some yourselves. Go get some sleep."

Kim was reluctant to leave her father, but went back to her mother with a little coaxing. Once the room was clear of visitors, he adjusted the IV drips on both of this patients and then went to make the call he'd promised to Captain Stanley.


	4. Chapter 4

It was several hours later when Johnny stirred from his nap. He wasn't sure what woke him up – though he had a suspicion his bladder had something to do with it. Carefully easing himself off of his bed, he made sure his IV line wasn't tangled and then rolled the stand with him into the bathroom to take care of his immediate needs.

Coming back out, he froze. A pair of blue eyes were half-open, watching him. Breaking out in a huge grin, Johnny moved over to Roy's side as quickly as he could, hitting the call button as soon as he got there.

"Good to see your eyes again, pally. How are you feeling?"

Roy tried to speak, but his tongue seemed sticky and determined to get in the way. Johnny made use of the nearby water pitcher and helped Roy get a drink. That helped considerably with ungluing his tongue.

"Thanks. Feel like the engine backed over me. I make Mike mad?"

"No. Nothing like that, Roy. What do you remember?"

Dr. Brackett and Dixie came hurrying in, stopping when they saw the reason for the call. Dixie smiled in relief as Roy turned his head and spotted them. He gave them both the rather sheepish smile that he tended to get when he was a bit puzzled about where he was and how he got there. Dixie reflected that it was a shame this sort of thing happened enough for her to recognize that look on his face.

"Hello, handsome. And Merry Christmas. For about two more hours, at least."

Checking over the monitors, Dr. Brackett made a satisfied noise, then looked back at Roy.

"I heard John speaking when we came in. So – what is the last thing you remember?"

Brow furrowing a bit, Roy took a breath and wet his lips with his tongue.

"A little girl. Maybe a year younger than Kim."

A panicked look suddenly came to Roy's face and the monitors started to go crazy..

"Oh my God. She was still on the ladder when the explosion –"

Johnny spoke up immediately.

"Easy, Roy. Charlie and Eliana both held onto that ladder like they were glued to it. Neither of them fell. She was treated for smoke inhalation, but she's fine. She even stopped in to see you on her way out with her parents."

Roy's whole body sagged with relief, though that movement made him wince from the ache in his ribs. The monitors started going back slowly to more acceptable levels to everyone's relief.

"You know, I had a dream that she and Kim were talking together. Chris was there too, I think."

"No dream, pally. They were both right about where Dixie is standing now, talking to you. And Chris was where Dr. Brackett is."

One person Roy didn't bring up was Joanne and Johnny didn't think he should be the one to touch that topic. Especially since he couldn't help but notice how far Joanne stayed from the bed and hadn't even said so much as 'hello' to Roy. Well, come to think of it, she hadn't said a word to him either. Great. She was probably mad at him too now.

There was a sharp intake of air as Dr. Brackett took a look at the bruising that was now bright at the area where the broken ribs were.

"What the story with the ribs, Roy? What did you hit or did something hit you?"

"First explosion. We weren't expecting anything like that. Knocked me off my feet and my side hit a counter top on my way down. I'm just glad it wasn't my head that caught it."

Johnny grunted slightly, then sighed.

"Uhm – and I sort of landed on top of you, Roy. Last explosion caught us as I was pulling you out of the window. Fortunately for both of us, the Captain had guys below with a life net out."

"Please tell me you didn't hit bottle first."

"Nope. But I'm sure it still didn't feel good."

A short laugh turned into a grunt of pain, but Roy still had a small smile on his face.

"Luckily enough, Junior, I wasn't feeling anything at the time."

An alert came over the PA system causing Dr. Brackett and Dixie to hurry from the room. Johnny watched as they left and continued looking at the door for while once they were gone. He wasn't as heavily medicated as Roy, but the drugs made him awfully easy to distract.

Roy's eyes swept over the room as his mind continued to try and string together what had happened. The more aware Roy became, the quieter he became to the point that it drew Johnny's attention back to him and he began to worry that something was wrong. He made his way back over to the side of Roy's bed and saw that Roy's eyes were closed, but he wasn't asleep.

"They're going to fuss at you if you keep getting out of bed."

His voice was so unlike Roy's usual tones that Johnny wouldn't have connected it to him if he hadn't been looking straight at him.

"Let 'em fuss. I think my partner needs me, so here I am and here I stay. Besides, they knew what they were asking for putting us in the same room. Dr. Brackett just didn't want me roaming the halls trying to find you this time around."

Roy took in a long breath and then let it back out slowly. Then he spoke so softly that Johnny barely could make out what he said.

"I don't know if I can do this anymore."

Leaning over a little closer, Johnny laid his hand on the rail of Roy's bed.

"Do what, Roy?"

"Keep letting them down. I don't want to let them go, but I guess I'm being selfish."

"That's crazy. You're one of the least selfish people I've ever come across in my life."

"No. I'm not. If I wasn't selfish, giving up being a fireman wouldn't be a big deal, right?"

Noticing that Roy was hoarse, Johnny helped him with a drink again before speaking.

"Roy? How long did you know you wanted to be a fireman?"

"I dunno. I don't really know that I ever really seriously considered anything else. It just – felt right. I was even a fire-fighter in the Army. At least until I was sent overseas. Turned out the first-aid part of my training was just as valuable in the field than my ability to fight a fire. I suppose that's why I fought so hard for the paramedic program. I knew what good I'd done for the guys in my unit and I knew how much more good I could have done with more training and the right equipment."

"You made a lot of difference in a lot of lives when you kept pressing for it instead of just throwing in the towel."

"Naw. It would still have happened, I'm sure. It's too important not to have happened."

While Johnny strongly disagreed, arguing that with Roy would have been getting further away from what he really wanted to say.

"Did Joanne know? I mean, from the beginning, she knew you wanted to be a fireman. You weren't already married when you told her, right?"

"Nope. She knew I planned to be a fireman before we started dating even. My chosen career is one of the many things my mother-in-law didn't like about me from the start."

"Okay, I know I'm butting in and tell me to go to hell if it will make you feel better, but you aren't being selfish. You're being you. Joanne knew who you were and for her to decide she doesn't like it now? Well, it's sort of like her deciding she doesn't want to be married to a guy with blue eyes anymore."

Roy turned his head then and looked Johnny, those blue eyes slightly narrowed as if he was having trouble following Johnny's train of thought. He had a hard enough time with Gage-ese when his head was clear - with drugs in his system, he felt he was missing something in the translation.

"My eye color isn't something I can change, Johnny."

"Changing what you were meant to do in life isn't something you can do either, Roy. This isn't just a job to you. It never was. It's as much a part of you as any other part of you is."

Johnny held up a hand when it seemed Roy was about to interrupt.

"Let me finish and then if you want to take a swing at me, I'll even move closer so you won't pull your ribs. Just answer me five questions and I'll be all done. Okay?"

A soft sigh of resignation was as good as a 'yes' in Johnny's view.

"Do you remember the first time you did CPR and got someone's pulse started again?"

"Sure."

"Do you remember the first time you pulled someone who couldn't make it out by them self out of a burning building?"

"Of course I do."

"Remember when you pulled out someone who had drowned and got them breathing again?"

"Johnny..."

"Remember delivering a baby and being the first person in the world to hold that new life in your hands?"

Roy's eyes closed and a smile crossed his face.

"God, yes."

"Now - can you imagine going the rest of your life without doing any of that ever again?"

Johnny grew concerned again as what looked like a shudder went through Roy's body, but then the answer came out - quiet, but firm.

"No."

"Then, pal of mine? You have your answer. You just don't have hers."

Roy was very quiet for a couple of minutes.

"I need to ask Dr. Brackett to cut back on the medication. You're making way too much sense for my comfort level."

The trademark Gage half-grin came out.

"Don't worry about your sanity, pally. I was just pretending I was you talking to me. Which means I need to worry more than you do. You've infected me."

A sound somewhere between a laugh and a snort came out of Roy.

"Just head back to bed and sleep on your stomach. I'll tell Dix to deliver a penicillin shot south of the border to clear that up for you."

"Har har - funnnnny. Get some sleep, pally. The refrigerated bedpan brigade will be making their rounds early."


	5. Chapter 5

The day after Christmas was A-shift's first day back to work and Hank made sure that everyone was planning to swing by the hospital and also made sure the visits were going to be spread out a little. He was worried about Johnny exhausting himself by trying to stay upbeat for Roy. And Roy he was worried about because he knew how devastating it would be to him if his wife had done something similar.

In fact, he and his wife had had a long talk about it when he'd gotten home. He needed her as a sounding board on how best to support his man without sticking his nose in where it didn't belong. The consensus ended up that he would make sure Roy knew he was available if he needed to talk and if he did start talking, to just listen without commenting. Unless Roy specifically asked for advice. If he did, well, rest assured that Hank would make his opinion known.

At Rampart, the nurses had made their rounds early and, following the newest round of pain medication after breakfast, Roy was napping. Johnny didn't get anything stronger than aspirin, so he was reading and fairly hopeful that he might get released after lunch if he showed he was eating and keeping the food down. Of course, he probably would stay at the hospital for Roy, but he'd rather be without the IV drip and wearing clothing with more coverage while keeping his friend company.

The phone ringing startled Roy awake and he let out an involuntary gasp as the sudden move shot a pain through his chest. Johnny got up and answered the phone, which was unfortunately closer to Roy than to him.

"Hello?"

"Hello. I want to speak with Roy DeSoto."

The voice was a woman and very formal. It seemed to Johnny that he'd heard her voice before, but he couldn't recall where from. He hoped it wasn't a reporter or anything like that. He put his hand over the mouthpiece as he gave Roy a concerned look. His partner was still trying to catch his breath.

"Some woman on the phone for you, pally. Can you take it?"

Roy gave a nod and gingerly reached for the phone with one hand, the other hand laying across the taped area of his ribs. He spoke a little softer than usual, but clearly.

"DeSoto."

Johnny had turned away to head over to his bed again to give Roy some privacy for his call when he stopped in his tracks. He could actually hear the woman's voice from where he was even though he couldn't make out the words. She had to have been screaming into the phone. Turning back around, he saw Roy was wincing and holding the phone away from his ear.

The door opened and Dixie strolled in smiling - right up until she saw the expression on Johnny's face and heard the voice that was coming over the phone. She didn't miss a beat. Dixie walked straight over and, before Roy even realized she was there, she plucked the phone from his hand. As his eyes widened in surprise, Dixie spoke loudly into the phone herself, just long enough to get the attention of the woman on the other end.

" **Take a breath**. Thank you. Now, this is Nurse McCall. Would you care to explain why you are screaming at one of the patients under my care? Do you have any inkling of how badly it hurts to have someone yelling in your ear when you are suffering from a concussion?"

Dixie's words brought Johnny's attention back to Roy, who was looking a touch green. Between the aching ribs and his pounding head so soon after breakfast? Johnny grabbed a basin and barely got it to his partner in time.

Tending to Roy kept Johnny from hearing the rest of Dixie's side of the exchange, but the phone was being hung up before too long. Hung up gently in deference to Roy's head. Then Dixie went and got a cool cloth for Roy.

"Mother-in-law?"

With a slight nod that he regretted immediately, Roy acknowledged that.

"Mother-in-law. Apparently I put Chris up to yelling at her."

Then he frowned and looked up to Johnny.

"Did I say anything like that to Chris while he was here?"

"No, Roy. You weren't able to get out a word to anyone about anything. Not that I think you would have if you could have."

Mind you, Johnny made a mental note to give Chris a high-five over that – not in front of Roy, of course. Roy would stick up for most folks – except himself. That trait occasionally made his partner want to bang his head against his locker. In fact, he was already sure that Roy was starting to feel guilty over the incident between Chris and his grandmother even though Johnny would have been willing to wager that Roy had been unconscious at the time. The man could do guilt.

There was a light tap at the door. Chet and Marco glanced through the door and Dixie waved them in. Anything to get Roy's mind away from where it was.

"These guys allowed real food, Dixie?"

"As long as it isn't anything you cooked, Chet. I've heard about your chili. It's too much for men in recovery."

Marco chuckled at the expression of mock hurt on Chet's face.

"No worries – this care package is from my mother."

"In that case, if they feel up to eating, I don't see why not. Roy? Do I need to get you anything for nausea?"

"I think I'll be alright as long as no-one screams. Thanks, Dix. For everything."

"For one of my favorite paramedics? Anytime. I'll leave you guys alone to visit for awhile."

As she left, Dixie wondered if she needed to have calls intercepted before they went into Roy and Johnny's room. She didn't want Roy taking heat from either his wife or his mother-in-law over what Dixie had said. Not that she'd take back a single word, but if they had an issue, they needed to take that up with her.


	6. Chapter 6

As he had hoped, Johnny was released after lunch, though he wouldn't be cleared to return to work until he had a follow-up exam in three days. Mike had dropped by to visit and was going to take Johnny back to his house to shower and change, then bring him back to the hospital. Much as Johnny didn't care for it, Dr. Early wasn't going to give him the go-ahead to drive until the follow-up exam. He wasn't even sure about releasing him, but gave in because he knew Johnny would still be close enough to keep an eye on as long as Roy was still a patient.

Roy was asleep as Johnny left, so Johnny couldn't fill him in on his plans, but there was a decent chance with the amount of sleeping that his partner was doing that he'd be back before Roy even noticed, especially since the nurse came in as they were leaving to give Roy his next dose of medication. Once he and Mike were alone together in Mike's car, Johnny let out a sigh. The side glance from Mike was all the encouragement Johnny needed to start talking.

"It's got me worried, Mike. Joanne still hasn't come back by to check on Roy that I know of. After the way her mother was yelling at Roy?"

"When did that happen?"

"Not long after breakfast. I don't know what all Dixie said to her over the phone, but I bet some of it was stuff she wouldn't say around Pediatrics. Joanne was by once, but she never said a single word to Roy. Not even hi. Just stood back and let the kids go over by themselves."

"And she hasn't come back?"

"No. Not since Roy opened his eyes. Man. You know he's noticed even if he's not saying anything. He's already mentioned that he'd thought he'd dreamed Kim and Chris talking, but not her."

Johnny shook his head and shifted subjects.

"Hey, I meant to tell you. Thanks for volunteering to drive me home and back. I don't want Roy stuck there all by himself and since I'm not cleared for work again yet."

"Glad I can do it."

They started talking about other things with about the normal ratio - Johnny spoke about twenty words to ever one of Mike's.

Back at the hospital, Roy startled awake when something in the hallway clattered. An involuntary groan escaped. His headache seemed like it was even worse than before and the light was bothering his eyes, but he managed to fight down the nausea by closing his eyes and staying very still.

Joanne worked her way around the tray spill in the hallway near the room Roy was in. Stopping at the doorway, she was surprised to see Roy was all by himself. She'd expected Johnny to still be in his bed. Or sitting next to Roy's bed. Her eyes went back to her husband. The bruises on his face and arms were standing out now and made the unbruised skin look even paler by comparison. He seemed asleep and she felt her anger flare again even though she knew it wasn't fully rational.

Still, it seemed like he'd gotten hurt to trump her argument. Brooding certainly hadn't improved things and the talk from Dr. Brackett just seemed a further thorn in her side. Oh sure, she had a right to the way she felt, but not the right to express those feelings around Roy. Not even after her mother had called her in tears over how rude Roy had been to her on the phone. She supposed Dr. Brackett would tell her that what Roy had said to her mother was somehow due to his injuries. Or the drugs he was on. It was just like with the firemen. They grouped together like a wall against outsiders and she'd always be one of the outsiders.

Lost in her own thoughts, Joanne didn't notice that the blue eyes had opened slightly and were staring at her back, trying to get her in focus.

She turned away, taking a deep breath to calm herself. It really wasn't Roy's fault and rationally, she knew that. All she knew right now though was that she wasn't ready for this. Not for facing him. Not yet. Much as she hated to admit it, Dr. Brackett was right. Roy didn't need her anger while he was recovering. Sighing, she headed back toward the elevators without looking behind her.

Back on the bed, it had taken Roy a couple of minutes to convince himself that the figure in the doorway was actually Joanne and not a dream. But he couldn't understand why she was keeping her back to him. As she started to walk away, he tried to call out but his voice came out far softer than he'd intended.

"Jo?"

For a moment, Roy forgot everything that was going on with him medically. The ribs, the pain medication he was on, the concussion, the IV in his arm - he wasn't thinking of any of that. All that he was thinking of was that Joanne had been here and was leaving again without saying a single word to him. He wanted to catch her. Talk to her. One of the unfortunate side effects of the type of pain medication he was on was the feeling of fear that pushed reasoning out of its way. Fear that if she left now, he'd never see her again.

His head protested the sudden movements as he forced himself out of bed, pulled the IV out and started for the door. The spirit was willing, but the body wasn't. And the pain medication was on the body's side. Dizziness overtook him halfway there and Roy silently collapsed to the floor in a faint.

Downstairs, Mike was pulling into a parking spot.

"Thanks again, Mike. You going to come up and see Roy for a minute?"

"Sure. Hey Johnny? Isn't that Joanne over there?"

Johnny's head snapped around to look at the woman walking in a very determined fashion away from the entrance. It certainly looked like Joanne, but she sure didn't look happy. She was too far away to call over to and Johnny wasn't sure he should even try. He just grabbed the small bag he'd packed for himself and hurried inside with Mike close behind.

The first glimpse into the room just showed him the empty bed, but then Johnny's heart went into his throat when he saw Roy on the floor. He immediately started to check on his partner while Mike hit the call button for a nurse. The on-duty nurse took one look then immediately called for Dr. Brackett before she moved to help Johnny check for additional injuries. The only thing either of them found was where he was bleeding from pulling out the IV. Johnny applied a little pressure there and held it until Dr. Brackett came in. Between the four of them, they got Roy back into bed.

Having Johnny bandage the one arm while he prepared to start a new IV in the other, Dr. Brackett didn't mince words.

"What the hell happened in here?"

Mike just exchanged a quick look with Johnny. It didn't escape the doctor's notice.

"Spill it. I need to know what I might be dealing with."

Clearing his throat a little self consciously, Johnny shrugged a little.

"Not a lot to spill, Doc. Mike took me to my place to grab some clothes and when we got back up here, we found Roy where you saw him when you came in."

"And?"

"And - well, I'm pretty sure it was Joanne we saw leaving as we were getting here. She looked pretty annoyed."

"You think they might have had a fight?"

The nurse spoke up then.

"If they did, it was the quietest fight on record, sir. Other than one of the orderlies dropping a tray in the hall, this area has been very quiet all morning. I'm sure I would have heard something if they'd raised their voices."

Eyes slightly narrowed, Dr. Brackett adjusted the drip on the IV.

"Well, I hope we can at least assume she wouldn't have just left him on the floor without telling anyone, so he shouldn't have been on the floor for very long. Nurse Jennings? Bring in a set of restraints please."

Both Mike and Johnny immediately focused their attention on Brackett, though Johnny was the one to vocalize it.

"What? Why?"

"I'm not particularly happy about having to do it either, John. But right now we don't know what Roy's mental state is and I don't want him hurting himself more than he already has. Once he wakes up again and we can find out what happened, we should be able to get rid of them then."

Mike spoke up then.

"We could stay with him."

"I know you could. And I hope that at least one of you still will. But I'm sorry. I prefer not to take chances right now."

It was time that Mike had to head to the station, so he gave Johnny a quick pat on the shoulder that he hoped was reassuring and headed out to fill in Captain Stanley. For his part, Johnny just sat in what was unnatural silence for him and watched as the restraints were placed on his partner. He knew how much he hated them himself and doubted that Roy would care for them either.

Finishing up, Dr. Brackett met Johnny's eyes briefly before heading back to his rounds. He didn't care much for the vague guilty feeling he had. When had the hose jockeys gotten under his skin so deep? Sighing, he decided he needed to track down Dixie and talk this out with her. She was a lot better at handling the human equation than he was.


	7. Chapter 7

Dr. Brackett caught up with Dixie just as she was about to leave after the end of her very long shift.

"Dix? If you aren't in a hurry, could I possibly talk to you for a few minutes? In private?"

That wasn't a request she got every day, so she was intrigued enough to put the desires of her aching feet aside and follow him into his office. She promptly sat in a chair. She was going to accommodate her feet that much at least.

"So, Kel – what's this all about?"

"You know Joe discharged Johnny earlier. Well, one of the other firemen picked him up long enough to take him by his place to get some clothes and then brought him back here. They think they saw Joanne DeSoto leaving as they were arriving and said she didn't look happy. When they got up to Roy's room, his IV was out and he'd collapsed half-way to the door."

"Oh no. What are those women trying to do? Kill him?"

"Those women? Plural?"

"I came in on Roy's mother-in-law shouting at him over the phone. Took that phone and gave her a piece of my mind once I got her attention enough that she could hear me while Roy lost his breakfast."

"I talked with her before I let her in to visit Roy the first time. I tried to convey to her that getting upset in his condition wouldn't be in his best interest. Apparently I didn't get through to her. Carol was on duty and she says she didn't hear a fight, but I can't imagine what else would have gotten him out of his bed like that in his condition."

"Roy wouldn't tell you?"

"Roy's unconscious. Didn't even make a sound when we got him back into bed. Which frankly worries me."

"Are the others still with him?"

"Johnny is. The other man had to go in to work."

"So - that means A-Shift is on right now. Might be a good chance to see if we could talk with Captain Stanley. Maybe he could give us some guidance here."

"Us?"

"Yes, us. Your only choice is over the phone or in person."

"In person, I think."

"Good. You're driving."

Captain Stanley gave a look up from his paperwork to Chet when the lineman rapped on his door.

"Kelly, so help me, if the Phantom -"

Before he got any further, Chet's hands were up in defense.

"Nothing like that, Cap. Just letting you know that you have visitors."

"Visitors? Who?"

"Doctor Brackett and Nurse McCall. Hey!"

The exclamation was caused when a dainty but sturdy hand swatted Chet from the side.

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Dixie?"

Chet's voice was half-whine/half-apology.

"I do call you Dixie when I'm talking to you, but I thought it sounded kind of rude to call you that when I was telling Cap who was here."

"Call a truce out there. Come on in and grab a chair."

After saying that, Hank shoved some of his never-ending paperwork off to the side so that he could give them his full attention.

"I don't imagine you came here for a social call, so what's up with my guys? Sorry if I seem to be jumping straight in, but we never know when the tones will go off."

"I suppose that's one advantage we have over your people. The people wanting help generally come to us. And you're right about this not being a social call. I can understand that you won't be able to tell us anything that was told to you in confidence, but the situation around Roy is negatively affecting his recovery and we'd appreciate any help you can give us."

"Well, ask your questions and, if it turns out to be something I don't feel I can comment on, I'll let you know. I think I have a feeling what this is about though. Home life?"

As the pair nodded, Hank sighed and reached for his mug.

"Either of you care for coffee? No? Well, the two of you have worked closely with two of my men and have passing acquaintences with the rest so you already know we have what might be termed a stressful job by some. Once I became a captain, I had to learn a few of the harder facts about what we do. Did you know that, if you go by statistics, over four-fifths of firefighter marriages end in divorce? Higher than for police officers."

There was a definite frown on Dixie's face.

"That doesn't seem right."

There was just a shrug from Hank.

"Think it over. We deal with a lot of the same situations as the police plus we run into burning buildings. Gets our families high strung after awhile. Especially following a major incident. Let me tell you - everyone in my family knows not to give my wife a late night call on nights that I might be working. Unless they really want to have their ear chewed off, that is."

Pausing for a moment, he looked down into his coffee cup.

"Look - what I'll tell you is fairly common knowledge among the guys here. Roy and Joanne have known one another since they were around nine years old. So far as I can tell, Joanne's mother has never liked him. At one point, Roy was even considering changing his appearance to see if it might help."

There was a light tap at the door. Hank frowned just a bit, gave an apologetic look to his visitors, then spoke.

"Come in."

To everyone's surprise, it was Stoker at the door.

"Sorry to interrupt, sir - but am I correct in assuming the topic is Roy?"

Dr. Brackett turned to look at Stoker. It took a moment for who he was to click in. He wondered if the firemen had as much trouble recognizing him without his labcoat as he had recognizing them out of uniform.

"You were with Johnny when he found Roy."

"Yessir. Johnny talked to me while we were driving. So far as Johnny knows, unless she said something to him today, Joanne hasn't spoken to Roy since before he was hospitalized."

He saw the look Dixie gave him and gave her a slight smile.

"Just because I'm don't say much doesn't mean I can't speak when it's something important."

Dixie reached out a hand to Mike that he took briefly. Dr. Brackett was frowning though.

"Wait. Joanne and the children were there in the room when Roy first showed signs of coming around."

Mike nodded.

"Yessir. But did you hear her say anything? Johnny said that she never did. And that, at least subconsciously, Roy had noticed. He mentioned Roy had thought he'd dreamed about his kids talking, but not Joanne."

The frown grew deeper as Dr. Brackett thought back.

"No. Now that you mention it, I don't even recall her going anywhere near the bedside."

"Maybe I should try to have a woman to woman talk with Joanne?"

"That might not be a bad idea. If you'd like some back up with experience, I could ask my wife if she'd go with you."

"If she wouldn't mind, Hank, I think that would be ideal. She might not be too keen to talk to me after the words I had with her mother over the phone."

"Ah – so you already knew about the mother-in-law?"

"To an extent. Just not how far back the history went."

Reaching for his phone, Hank made a quick call. It only took a moment to bring her up to date as he'd already been discussing the situation with her.

"She's on her way to pick you up here."

"Great. Thanks, Hank. Kel? I'll give you a call after the dust settles and let you know how it went."


	8. Chapter 8

The kids were watching television when the knock came at the door of the DeSoto household. A glance through the peephole to see who it was made Joanne wish that school was already back in session so that the children wouldn't be here. It was too damp and cold to send them outside, so she called out to them.

"Chris – Kim – go to your rooms for now, please."

Once they were headed up the stairs, she took a deep breath, opened the door and greeted the two women who were waiting.

"Mrs. Stanley. Nurse McCall. Please come inside."

Mrs. Stanley led the way in both entering and speaking.

"Thank you, Joanne. Hank had mentioned to me that you hadn't managed to make it to the hospital much. I wanted to see if you and the children were doing alright."

"You don't have to beat around the bush, Ellen. You really want to know why I'm not at the hospital hovering over Roy, don't you?"

The amount of bitterness that came out in her voice surprised even Joanne. Mrs. Stanley looked a bit flabbergasted and at a loss for what to say next, so Joanne continued.

"Besides, I saw him just this morning. He was fine."

Dixie spoke up on that comment.

"So the two of you spoke?"

She could practically see Joanne bristling at that. Her tone matched that attitude.

"Not that I think that it's any of your business, but no. Dr. Brackett was very clear that he didn't want me upsetting him. I just looked in and left. He never even woke up."

Feeling herself starting to get a headache over this, Dixie just shook her head slightly as the thought _'Oh yes he did'_ ran through her head, but didn't speak yet. Mrs. Stanley didn't keep her thoughts to herself.

"Why all of the venom, Jo? What did Roy do?"

Starting to pace slightly, Joanne just made a vague gesture of irritation.

"I – don't know. No one big thing really. More a lot of little ones. Or it was until this morning. My mother called me in tears."

Sighing, Dixie spoke up again.

"Alright. I might have been a little harsh on her, Joanne, but I don't think it was anything that a grown woman should have burst into tears over. If you like, I won't apologize for what I said, but I will apologize for the way I said it."

"This isn't about you, Dixie. It's about what Roy said to her."

"So far as I know, Roy didn't say anything to her."

The pacing stopped as Joanne turned angry eyes at Dixie.

"Are you seriously going to stand there and try to cover up for him? Because quite frankly, I don't care how he was feeling or what drugs you people have him on. There is no excuse for the way he spoke to my mother."

"I don't know why you assume that I would lie for Roy, but he wasn't saying anything when I walked into the room. I could hear your mother loud and clear though. I walked over to Roy and took the phone away from him. And no, he didn't signal me or ask me to. I don't think he even knew that I was in the room until I took the phone away. And yes, I gave her a piece of my mind about yelling over the phone at a patient – **any** patient – who is recovering from a concussion."

"Now you're calling my mother a liar?"

"I am not doing any such thing. I don't have any idea what she told you. What I **can** tell you is what I saw and heard. It's up to you what you believe. But why would I lie to you?"

"Why wouldn't you? All of you - the ER personnel, the firemen - all of you are on Roy's side."

That statement hung in the air for several long moments until Mrs. Stanley spoke again.

"Yes. We are on Roy's side. How long has it been since you stopped being on that side yourself?"

Joanne started to immediately protest that, but stopped before the first word was fully out. Seeing the conflicting emotions in play, Dixie spoke again.

"Listen - how things are between you and Roy are just between the two of you - right up to the point where they collide with the ability of the doctors and myself to treat one of you. As we speak, Roy is currently in restraints because he injured himself when he tried to catch up to you as you were leaving today."

Mrs. Stanley was just quietly watching Joanne's reactions at this point. A brief moment of concern followed by a shift to annoyance.

"You're still upset over Christmas, aren't you?"

Irritation overcame embarrassment this time and it came out.

"Yes! I know it sounds selfish because, yes, I know that he's good at his job and yes, he and Johnny got those kids out, but there are other firefighters in this city. Other paramedics. He was at work on Thanksgiving too. And Easter. And Christmas last year. Someone else would have done it if he wasn't there. You know, a lot of kids think about being firefighters or police growing up, but they move on to other things."

"And yet there are still firefighters, police and yes - even cowboys and ballerinas remaining in the world."

Mrs. Stanley's soft voice gave Dixie's brain time to finish processing what Joanne had said. Once she finished, Dixie's voice went low with anger.

"Wait a minute - you're equating Roy being in the fire department with him being immature? Other people 'outgrew' it, so why didn't he?"

"You didn't know him growing up! He was athletic - he was smart - he could have become **any** thing he wanted to be."

"Joanne? I've watched him doing his job. And I think he **did** become exactly what he wanted to be. And I also think that if you've been waiting for him to get past his 'fireman phase', you've been fooling yourself."

None of the three women noticed the two young heads that glanced around the corner briefly before Chris put his arm around his sister's shoulders and went back upstairs.

"Chris? What are traints and why is Daddy in them?"

Not really sure himself, but knowing from the way 'Nurse Dixie' said it that they weren't a good thing, Chris gave Kim a reassuring hug.

"I dunno. But get dressed. Me and you are going to go see Dad and find out."

Kim brightened immediately, then got a puzzled look.

"How?"

"Leave that to me. Hurry up."

As Kim darted off to get ready, Chris grabbed the phone book and made use of the upstairs phone to call a taxicab, relieved when he was told how much it would cost to take the two of them to Rampart. He had enough money with what he'd been saving up his summer camp spending money to cover it. Asking to be picked up at the corner, he hung up, grabbed his money and his jacket, then quietly led Kim out of the house through the back. He noticed the bulge in her coat, then smiled as he realized what it had to be. He should have thought of it himself, but Dad could save that present for when he got to come home.


	9. Chapter 9

The cabdriver that arrived to pick up Chris and Kim gave the pair of them a long look.

"What are the two of you doing calling a cab? Where's your parents?"

Before Chris could say a word, Kim piped up.

"We're going to the hospital. That's where our Daddy is."

Seeing the newspaper on the seat next to the driver, Chris pointed to it.

"Our dad's the paramedic that was hurt in that explosion on Christmas Eve. Roy DeSoto."

"You kids always take a cab to the hospital?"

"Oh no. Dad would normally drive us. But he's there and he said we're too young to ride any bus that isn't a school bus by ourselves."

"Well, he's got that right. Fine then, climb on in. You know what room he's in?"

"Oh yes, sir. We've already been by to visit him once."

Before she settled down, Kim pulled out a slightly squashed Christmas present in hopes of keeping it from getting further flattened in her pocket. Seeing that, the driver melted a bit. He had kids of his own.

"That for your Dad, honey?"

"Yes, sir. He hasn't been able to open any of his Christmas presents yet because he hasn't been able to come home yet. I thought if he could at least open one, it would make him feel better."

"I'm sure it will."

Looking around, the cabbie saw a woman watching from the picture window of a nearby house and assumed that she had be the mother of the kids. Must have one even younger at home that needed looking after. Satisfied with that thought, he made sure the door was firmly shut and started on the trip to Rampart.

At the hospital, Johnny was half-dozed out in a chair near Roy when a slight movement followed by a soft distressed noise brought him back fully awake. It wasn't too difficult to figure that his partner was having a nightmare. It wasn't too big of a stretch to guess that it was likely about the apartment fire.

Johnny's guess as to the subject of the nightmare was correct. Roy's mind had gone back to the first explosion that knocked him off of his feet and injured his ribs. The restraints caused his dreams to veer off what had actually happened. In this twisted scenario, the explosion trapped him. His worst fear - not only trapped himself in a doomed building, but unable to search for the missing child.

Just words weren't getting through to his partner, so Johnny took a gamble and fumbled a bit as he worked to release the restraint on the bandaged arm. Once he finally managed to get it loose, he grabbed Roy's hand and held it tight with both of his.

"Roy! I'm right here with you, pally. You made it out. We all made it out. Me, you and the kids. Come on. You can feel my hand, right? Take a deep breath and calm down."

To Johnny's relief, Roy obeyed his voice that time and took a deep breath. It wasn't an intentional thought, but the pain that the deep breath caused his ribs woke Roy the rest of the way up. Wincing, he opened his eyes, then turned his head until he could see Johnny. Then he relaxed again though a frown formed when he discovered he couldn't shift his position due to the remaining restraints.

"Johnny? What's all this about?"

"You pulled out your IV and tried to make an escape run, Roy. Brackett wasn't happy about you being found on the floor."

The memory suddenly clicked in place.

"Joanne. Joanne was here, but she didn't talk to me. She wouldn't even look at me."

"I saw her leaving as Mike was bringing me back. What happened?"

"I don't know. There was some noise and I startled awake. I thought I was going to lose it again, but I closed my eyes and stayed still and the nausea finally passed. Then there was a soft noise and I took the chance and opened my eyes again. She was just standing there, looking at me. Then she turned her back on me and left. I really screwed up this time, didn't I?"

The despondent look in the blue eyes he knew so well bothered Johnny and he couldn't keep his thoughts to himself. And he didn't want to.

"Quit that. Right now. I am not going to let you turn this around and make it your fault somehow. Because it's not. We were on that shift because we were told to be on that shift. If anyone's to blame, it's that idiot that endangered that building and everyone in it by deciding that was the perfect spot to hide his distillery. We did everything we could and, as a result, not a single life was lost."

Giving Roy's free hand a firm squeeze, he continued.

"Feel irritated. Feel mad. Feel confused. But don't you dare feel guilty."

Looking up toward the ceiling, Roy let out a soft sigh that his ribs made him regret.

"I think what I most feel is hurt. Followed closely by discomfort. Can we ditch these restraints? I'd really like to lay on my side for awhile."

"Brackett can yell at me if he wants to. He already knows I didn't like him putting them on you. Give me a minute, pally."

One of the nurses he didn't know well came in to take Roy's vitals while Johnny was in the process of removing the last one. The two of them had a brief stare down, but she finally just wrote down the numbers and left. Johnny then turned his attention to helping Roy roll over onto his uninjured side, adjusting the sheet and thin blanket once he was more comfortable.

"Better?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Junior."

"You look pretty beat. Nightmares suck all of the rest out of sleep, don't they?"

"That they do."

"Try and grab a nap then, buddy. I'll be right here to try and keep them at bay."


	10. Chapter 10

After Mrs. Stanley and Dixie left, Joanne was feeling more than a little frazzled. Going into the kitchen, she decided that coffee would just make her more jittery, so she dropped some ice cubes into a glass and filled it the rest of the way with cold water from the fridge.

Sitting down, she decided to take advantage of the kids remaining quiet to sip her water and think things through. The one question Mrs. Stanley had asked had bothered her more than she had wanted to let them know. When **had** she started thinking of herself on a different side than Roy?

If she was going to be honest with herself, she'd started sniping at Roy at Thanksgiving - and not the Thanksgiving this year. The Thanksgiving of the year before. Her mother had insisted that she wanted the holiday celebrated under her roof and Joanne had accepted without checking Roy's schedule or even asking if he'd mind. He wasn't happy about it. His shift wouldn't end until 8 am Thanksgiving morning and, instead of getting off work and being able to rest, he was going to have to make the drive to his in-laws' home where they would be expected to remain the entire day.

Of course, that shift had ended up being one of constant calls and Roy hadn't managed to even catnap the entire night. When they arrived, he had asked her mother if she would mind if he borrowed the guest room for a rest. Her mother had gotten extremely indignant, accusing Roy of trying to ruin the day and not being appreciative of all the hard work that had been done in getting everything ready. Not wanting to argue, Roy headed outside with Chris to toss a ball around - or so they had thought. When Joanne's sister, Cathy, arrived and asked why Roy was dozing in the car, Joanne had been embarrassed and, while her mother hadn't commented further on it, it wasn't hard to tell that she was fuming.

Neither Roy nor Chris ate much that day. Thinking back on that, it was about normal for Roy because he never tended to eat much when he was tired. It was very unusual for Chris though. They often referred to him around their house as the human bottomless pit - one of the few that could match his Uncle Johnny mouthful for mouthful. All of which led to more complaints about the expensive food going to waste.

That fiasco was followed by the last Christmas. The shift rotation had landed so that Roy was on for at least part of both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Her mother had expressed her extreme displeasure that Roy was being a 'Scrooge' when he outright refused to drive over to spend even a little of his time between shifts there. Roy didn't budge on that issue though.

It had gone the same way all throughout the year - at least once or twice a month, they would be invited over and it seemed that every single time, Roy's work interfered. Joanne had eventually started taking the kids and going without him. Which led to her mother's inevitable complaints about Roy never taking the time to visit and the way that he was always spurning her hospitality.

Sighing, Joanne took another long sip, then began to think everything back through again. Thanksgiving? Well yes, she'd been embarrassed that Roy had snuck off with their son's assistance to take a nap in their car. But he **had** asked to use the guest room and it wouldn't have hurt anything to have let him nap in there while the cooking was being done. Her mother didn't allow men into the kitchen while she was cooking, so what difference would it have made?

Christmas? Well, her mother had already proven at Thanksgiving that she wouldn't allow Roy to get any rest there and, with his job, going in with less than three hours of sleep wouldn't only have been unwise, it would have been dangerous. And - and -

Frowning, Joanne sat her glass down and moved over to the counter area that the kids jokingly referred to as 'Command Central'. Since everyone had activities and schedules, Joanne had a calendar there for every member of the family. Roy's featured antique fire trucks, Chris's had race cars, Kim's current one had kittens and her own had mountain vistas. Pulling down Roy's and her own, Joanne flipped back to January and began comparing dates.

Month after month, the story was the same. Her mother had made her invitation on dates when Roy couldn't possibly have come because of his shift rotation. If that had happened one or twice, she wouldn't have thought anything of it. But for it to fall that way on every single occasion during the year? The odds against that being coincidental were astronomical.

Chris's words came back to her then - _'You don't even like Dad.'_ Granted, her mother had never been one of Roy's biggest fans, but she wouldn't deliberately be trying to undermine their marriage.

But she found her eyes straying back to the calendars. There was another moment of indecision, then she grabbed up the phone and began dialing, fingernails drumming on the counter as she waited for the line to be answered.

"Hello, Cathy? Have time to talk?"

At the entrance to Rampart, the taxi came to a stop and Chris began digging in his pocket for his money. The cabbie shook his head and picked up the newspaper, offering it to Kim.

"Folks like your dad don't get paid enough to do the sort of thing he does. This trip's on the house. Take him the paper - maybe he'd like to see the article on those folks he helped."

Chris took a second to make note of the cabbie's name in case their dad didn't approve of them accepting the ride, but thanked the man before helping Kim out of the seat. Holding her hand, he spoke to her softly.

"Don't look straight at any of the adults as we walk through the halls. Just stay right with me. As long as we look like we know exactly where we're going, most of them won't even really notice us."

Hoping very hard that their father was still in the same room, Chris took them to the elevators and pressed the button for the proper floor. As he predicted, no one bothered them, though the young nurse that had exchanged scowls with Johnny gave them a curious glance.

When they reached the door, Kim broke free and the half-asleep Johnny barely kept himself from yelping as she latched onto him. It took him a minute to start breathing again so that he could speak to her.

"Kim? Sweetheart, it's good to see you, but you about gave me a heart attack."

Looking over at the door, he saw Chris waiting and motioned him over. Roy was already starting to stir. Seeing that, Chris sighed and spoke very softly.

"Sorry, Uncle Johnny. We didn't mean to wake Dad up."

"Hey, he won't mind. He'll love seeing you guys. Where's your mom?"

Before Chris could come up with an answer, Roy's eyes opened. The first one he saw was Chris and Roy's face lit up with a smile that Johnny had been half afraid that he wouldn't see again.

"Chris - not too old yet to give your Dad a hug, are you?"

"No, sir - I won't hurt you, will I?"

"We'll be careful."

It took a bit of maneuvering and it wasn't the most comfortable sensation for Roy, but he didn't mind. It was worth the discomfort to him. Then he caught sight of Kim peeking around Johnny.

"And there's my sugar-plum fairy. Come on over, honey."

Kim gave her father a gentle kiss, then plopped the present in front of him that was a bit squished and already partially unwrapped. Then she studied the IV tube going into his arm.

"Is that a traint, Daddy? Chris and I didn't know what traints were and we were worried."

Johnny and Roy exchanged looks as they realized what she was talking about. Johnny took up the questioning since breathing was still not a comfortable thing for his partner.

"Kim sweetheart? Where did you hear about restraints?"

"Nurse Dixie was talking to Mommy about them. They didn't sound nice."

Johnny got a puzzled look and his next comment was more to himself.

"I can't imagine Dix talking about that in front of you guys."

Chris spoke up then.

"She didn't know we were listening, Uncle Johnny. She thought we were up in our rooms."

That got Roy's full attention and he moved a little more than his ribs were comfortable with, but he didn't let them distract him.

"Dixie was at our house?"

"She was when we left, Dad."

Mouth forming a 'o' as that information registered, Johnny reached out to lay a hand on Chris's shoulder.

"You never did answer me, kiddo. Where's your mom?"

"At home."

"Does she know you guys are here?"

The answer was evident in the sudden fidgeting both of them started doing. Roy groaned.

"Junior? Give Joanne a call for me please? She's likely going crazy looking for them."


	11. Chapter 11

Johnny picked up the phone and dialed, hung up and dialed again, restless as a kid waiting outside of the principal's office. Giving Roy an apologetic look, Johnny hung the phone back up.

"Line's busy."

"I just hope she's not calling the police."

Spotting his daughter trying to hide a yawn, Roy reached over and laid the present down on the table, freeing his hand to toy with one of her pigtails.

"Are you going to open it, Daddy?"

"In a little while, honey. Johnny? Could you help me make a little room here? I think I'm not the only one that didn't sleep much last night."

Johnny wasn't about to tell Roy that it might not be a great idea. He knew that his partner needed some serious family time and if he could help him get it? No hesitation. That would be another one that he'd let Brackett yell at him over. He figured it would be worth it.

With his partner's help, Roy eased back on the bed while remaining on his side. He carefully rearranged his arm that still had the IV in it, then smiled at his young daughter as he gave the cleared space a pat. Kim immediately broke out into a large smile. She started forward but then stopped and looked to Johnny.

"Uncle Johnny? Will it hurt Daddy less if you lift me than if I climb?"

"I think so. Let me give you a hand there, Kimmy. Just be careful not to touch your Dad's side, okay?"

"I remember - just like I couldn't hug you when your ribs were cracked, right?"

"You got it."

Johnny instructed her to go ahead and remove her shoes, then lifted her and sat her down as softly as he could manage. She squiggled a little until her back was finally touching her father's chest, then gave a contented sigh.

Tilting his head slightly, Roy kissed the top of her head. Chris settled himself into the chair nearest the bed that Johnny had been using while Johnny pulled over another for himself. Roy had it right - Kim hadn't been able to sleep well since finding out about her father's injuries, so being snuggled next to his comfortable presense made her doze off in short order. Much to her brother's amusement. Her regular breathing had Roy about to doze off as well - which of course meant it was time for the nurse to come in.

As the young nurse entered again for the next set of vital readings, this time she found herself being stared down by both Roy and Johnny. She just gave a soft sigh of resignation, then started taking his blood pressure. When she had the reading, she frowned and started all over again.

A puzzled look formed on her face and Johnny suddenly grinned.

"Let me guess. Blood pressure's a lot closer to normal than it has been?"

At her nod, Johnny's grin got a bit smug.

"That's Kimmy's doing. Best high blood pressure remedy available."

Her eyes glanced down as the young girl and she looked perplexed as to what to do next.

"Mister DeSoto, the children need to leave now. It's time for your medication."

"I don't want anything for pain and I don't want anything to help me sleep. If you hadn't come in, I'd already be asleep."

"But -"

"If Dr. Brackett or Dr. Early tell me any different? Fine. Otherwise, don't want them. And right now, we're the only ones in this room, so we aren't bothering anyone. Now, how about you just shut the lights off on your way out and let me get some sleep?"

Completely flustered, the nurse did what he requested. Johnny chuckled once she was gone.

"Trying to take over my slot as the difficult patient around here, pally? I'm usually the one that kicks up the fuss about being medicated."

Roy let his eyes start to sink closed again as he answered.

"No. Not trying to be difficult. Just want my kids with me. That's all."

"I know, Roy. Just close those eyes all the way and match Kimmy's breathing. Get some rest. Chris and I will watch over both of you, right?"

"Right, Uncle Johnny. Hey, we can read the paper. The cabbie gave it to us. It has the story about the Medinas in it."

"Come on, Chris. We'll take this over to the other bed so we can read without disturbing Kim and your dad."

At the DeSoto home, Joanne was still speaking with Cathy.

"Listen, Jo - if you're asking me if Mom directly communicated with me about what she was planning? No she didn't. Did I suspect she was up to something? Yes, I had my suspicions. Especially when she started talking about an ex-boyfriend of yours. Remember Michael Zane?"

"Of course I do. Now there's a name from the distant past. He got married to Marion Walker the year after Roy and I got married. What about him?"

"He and Marion divorced last fall. Mom mentioned that. And that he's done very well for himself. And how you and he used to be a cute couple."

"You don't really think -"

"I think he's rich, available and that Mom definitely remembers that he proposed to you once."

"Did she forget that I told him no?"

"Just my personal opinion, but I think she's hoping that was a choice that you made because you were infatuated with Roy and that you've always regretted picking the wrong guy. So, I know how she's been annoying me. What's she been doing to you?"

"Wait. Why would Mom be annoying you? She loves your husband."

"No she doesn't. She loves his title and salary. As for me, I get envelopes full of articles on fertility treatments. But enough on me. Now, what has she been up to on your end?"

Joanne poured it all out then to her sister, who listened without any interruption. Once she finished, she heard Cathy sigh heavily.

"We have **got** to find that woman another hobby. I knew something was going on when I saw Roy napping in your car at Thanksgiving, poor guy. I really don't see how he stays so calm. Jack would have gotten into a screaming fit with Mom if she'd tried to forbid him from getting some rest."

The tone of admiration in her sister's voice toward Roy didn't escape Joanne's notice, but something else was bothering her.

"If you knew she was up to something, why didn't you say something to me?"

There was a long, pregnant pause before Cathy spoke again.

"Because quite frankly, Jo? Growing up, you were supposed to be the smart one and I was supposed to be the cute one. I thought you were too bright to fall for any of Mom's rubbish."


	12. Chapter 12

Chet had had to drive the squad to Rampart for their replacement paramedic team and now he was stuck there until Brice and Mackie restocked the squad. It sounded like it might take awhile as Brice wanted to do everything in alphabetical order. It also sounded like Johnny and Roy would need about a month to get all their stuff back in the places that they preferred them to be.

Well, since he couldn't leave until they were ready, Chet figured he would make use of his downtime to check in on Roy. Sauntering toward the elevator with his HT in hand, Chet punched the button, heading up. Roy's room wasn't too far from the elevator. Chet didn't bother to knock before opening the door and glancing in. Pausing in the doorway, a grin formed and he fought back a snicker.

Heading down the hall glancing over a chart in his hand, Dr. Early noticed Chet's stance and slowed.

"You look amused. They did tell you that we don't allow water balloons, right?"

Feigning a wounded look, Chet sighed.

"Man. Booby-trap a few lockers and a guy gets labeled for life. Nothing to do with this though. Take a gander, Doc."

Curiousity won out and he went over. Leaning in through the door, Dr. Early found a smile forming as well. Roy and Kim were soundly asleep on one bed while the other bed barely contained the joint sprawls of Johnny and Chris. Chet leaned against the doorframe.

"They always look so innocent when they're asleep, don't they?"

"The kids?"

"Naw - Gage and DeSoto."

"I heard that, Kelly."

"You would, Gage."

"Why did I even bother discharging you, Johnny?"

Johnny propped himself up carefully trying not to wake Chris.

"Well Doc, I guess because I pestered you constantly until you did?"

That got a chuckle out of Early.

"Now that you mention it, that probably did have a lot to do with it."

The nurse spotted Dr. Early by the room and came over. Chet gave her a smile that she filed away but pretended not to notice as she stayed professional in front of the doctor.

"Sir, so that you know, Mister DeSoto refused his last dose of pain medication. He also insisted on the children remaining."

"Well, if he was hurting too much, he wouldn't be sleeping as well as he seems to be. As for the kids? Not exactly regulation perhaps, but I think we can cut a little slack since he missed out on spending Christmas with his kids, don't you?"

The talking didn't seem to phase either Kim or Roy, but Chris yawned before opening his eyes and looking totally embarassed at having fallen asleep next to Johnny.

"Umm - hi, Dr. Early."

"Hello, Chris."

Chet gave the young man a sympathetic look and spared him from any teasing. He'd been the victim of that often enough as a teen himself, so he considered kids off-limits for the most part. Adults - or as close as Gage got to being an adult? Fair game.

"Dr. Early? Will Dad be out before New Years?"

"That would be up to Dr. Brackett, Chris. But if your dad is able to keep resting as well as he is now, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. Good sleep is a major factor in healing, you know."

Joanne hung up the phone after finishing her conversation with her sister. Cathy was right. She should have told her mother to back off of Roy. As much as Roy could - and did - complain about her when it was the two of them talking, he never picked a fight with her mother and keep his tone polite with her. Sometimes a chilly politeness, but polite nonetheless. And he always insisted that the children mind their manners with her as well. He also never told her not to visit and, unless the visit conflicted with work, he generally would go himself even though he knew he was in for a less than pleasant time.

She also thought back to Cathy's comment about the envelopes full of fertility suggestions. That was low. But really, was it any lower than all the veiled and not-so-veiled insults to Roy? Joanne took a deep breath. She and her mother were going to have to have a few ground rules set before irrepairable damage was done between her children and their grandmother.

"Kids? I need you to put away whatever you're doing and get ready to go. We're going to go to see your Aunt Cathy."

Cathy had agreed to watch the kids for her while she went to have a talk with Mom. She wanted to take care of that before going to see Roy. They needed to have a very long talk. Cathy had agreed to watch the kids for that as well.

After a couple of minutes, she realized she wasn't hearing them getting ready. Had they fallen asleep? Shaking her head, Joanne headed upstairs to the bedrooms. And then panicked.

Her thoughts were going a mile a minute. She knew they weren't in the back yard. She'd been looking out into the back yard just a few minutes before. Where might they have gone? Who might they have called?

After a minute of running over possibilities in her mind, she grabbed the phone back up and called Rampart.


	13. Chapter 13

Chet figured that Brice and Mackie should be close to finished, so he headed back downstairs as Dr. Early continued on his rounds. The nurse suddenly remembered something she needed from downstairs and shared the elevator down with Chet.

Johnny stood and stretched, taking a look out of the window. When the phone rang a minute later, Johnny practically dove at it to keep it from ringing a second time. He held his breath as both Roy and Kim stirred slightly, but they settled back down almost immediately.

Letting out the breath back out slowly, Johnny took the phone as far away from Roy's bed as the cord allowed before speaking.

"Hello?"

"Johnny? Thank goodness. You're the one I was hoping to catch."

"Joanne? Man, I was trying to call you earlier, but the line was busy. Listen, Chris and Kim are here with me and Roy. They're fine."

He could hear her taking a deep steadying breath over the phone.

"Thank God. I was hoping that if they weren't there that you might at least have an idea of where else to start looking. Johnny? Something has come up that I need to take care of immediately. Are the kids alright there or should I take them to my sister's?"

"Shouldn't be a problem. Dr. Early knows they're here with their dad."

"Good. Johnny? Were you in the room when Dixie spoke to my mother?"

Johnny squirmed a bit, but answered.

"Well, yeah, but I was busy with Roy holding the basin for him and I didn't really hear what she was saying to hear over that."

Joanne had been a paramedic's wife long enough to know that _'holding the basin'_ for someone meant that person was throwing up.

"Why was Roy throwing up?"

"It was just a side effect - nothing to worry about. When you mix a concussion with a loud noise, that just happens sometimes."

Loud noise. Yelling. She remembered what Dixie said about that.

"Johnny? I hate to ask, but I need to know. Did you happen to hear what Roy and my mother were talking about?"

"Uhm - not really. I mean, Roy didn't say anything after he said his name when I passed him the phone. After that, well, I could hear your mother, but I couldn't tell what she was saying. And then Dixie took the phone and I had to grab the basin and that was about all there was to it."

"I see. Thanks, Johnny. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Right. See you then."

As he hung the phone back up, Johnny was frowning thoughtfully, wondering what Joanne had to do that was so urgent.

Joanne gave Cathy a quick call to let her know about the kids, then headed to her mother's house. During the drive, she ran over in her head what she wanted to say.

Her mother seemed surprised that the kids weren't with her, but Joanne shrugged that off.

"Mom, I need to talk with you. It won't take long. I have to go pick up the children."

"Of course. Come on in, dear."

Going in, Joanne took a seat and turned down the offer of coffee, but accepted a glass of water.

"Mom - please just sit down and listen. I've been running a lot of things through my head but most of them don't need to be said. You're my mother. I will always love you and it isn't my place to tell you what to do or who to like or even how to act. However from now on, if you start saying or doing anything that might affect your relationship with my children, we will simply leave. I won't argue or discuss it."

Straightening her back and lifting her chin, her mother looked extremely indignant.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you might be implying."

Joanne finished the water and rose to put the glass in the sink.

"You're a very intelligent woman, Mom. I'm sure that you'll figure it out."

As she left her mother sputtering slightly behind her, Joanne reflected that Roy probably would have approved of her handling of that. She hadn't raised her voice once. Still, she knew the real test was yet to come. The real test would be the first occasion that her mother made her follow through with her promise.

Driving to the hospital was very different compared to the drive to her mother's. Instead of getting calmer and surer of what to say, she was getting more anxious and less certain of what to say or how to say it. She couldn't even be sure at this point that Roy would even care to hear anything that she had to say. She needed to apologize. She couldn't blame her mother – she hadn't had to listen, after all. And her sister had been blunt, but right. Joanne faced the fact that she had a heaping helping of crow to eat ahead of her.


	14. Chapter 14

By the time Joanne reached the hospital room, Kim was still laying on the bed with her father but they had both woken back up. The apprehensive look in all four sets of eyes as they looked at her as she entered the room hurt, but Joanne couldn't say that she hadn't asked for it.

"Johnny? Would you mind terribly taking the kids down to the cafeteria? I'm sure they wouldn't mind a snack."

The kids and Johnny all looked to Roy, who gave a nod of approval.

"Go on. I'm not going anywhere."

As Joanne started to reach into her purse for some money, Johnny just waved her off as he moved over to Roy's bed and lifted Kim off.

"Time to get your shoes back on, Kimmy. Come on, Chris. I don't know about you guys, but I think I want a burger."

An awkward silence hung over the room as the kids got ready and lingered even after Johnny had herded them out. Joanne was having trouble thinking how to begin. The silence was finally broken by Roy.

"Jo? I know what I do can't be easy to live with. But it isn't just a job for me. Never has been and I doubt it ever will be. If a fireman's wife isn't something that you want to be anymore, I won't fight it. I'd rather see you happy, but I won't be cut off from the kids."

His words hit her hard and weren't at all what she had been expecting. Obviously the past year had wounded him deeper than Roy had let show.

"Are you talking about us getting a divorce?"

"Yes. I am."

"You don't even want to fight for our marriage?"

The sigh came out before Roy could stop it, but he managed not to let the discomfort it caused show.

"If you don't love me anymore, Jo – there's nothing left to fight for."

It took her a moment to catch her breath. Roy's blue eyes were open windows that always exposed his feelings even if he was trying to mask them in other ways. He really did think she didn't still love him. Roy spoke again while she was still silent.

"This isn't an easy question, but it's one I'd really like the answer to. I've been thinking back some. Back to when we were dating. I never knew what it was over, but I know you and your mother were fighting a lot in those days. Did - when I proposed to you? Did you accept because you loved me or because you were rebelling against your mother?"

Roy's eyes stayed on her, but hers didn't meet his as the silence lingered a little too long as she tried to figure out what to say. If she was being honest with herself, both were true to a degree. His voice broke the silence again.

"I guess that answers that."

The resigned tone in his voice both slightly irritated her and worried her. More the latter.

"Does it really matter now? We have a family together."

His gaze left her and he focused on the IV tubing running to his arm.

"It does - it matters to me."

"Do you still love me, Roy?"

He winced a bit as his ribs disagreed with his shifting his position as he looked at her again.

"Yes. I've always loved you, Jo. I just don't know if I can continue this way. Everything -"

Roy really couldn't find the words for it. It was like the floor had fallen out from underneath him. In a way, the floor had given way. Everything beyond work that he'd built his life around had been built on a lie so far as he could see. The expression on his face was hard for her to watch.

"I do love you, Roy."

"You've had a funny way of showing it lately."

"What's going on in here?"

Turning, Joanne reflected that the way her day had been going, it figured that Dr. Brackett would pick just that moment to come in.

Scowling, it didn't take Dr. Brackett long to take note that almost none of the orders he'd left for his patient had been followed including the removal of the restraints. That part he elected to ignore for the moment. It wasn't as if Roy could have removed them by himself.

"Any particular reason you've been refusing your medications? Don't even try to tell me you aren't in pain."

Over the years, Dr. Brackett had seen Roy in any number of conditions and situations, but nothing like his current one. Roy just closed his eyes as if he were exhausted.

"Doesn't matter any more. Do whatever you want. I don't care."

Brackett looked back to Joanne.

"Listen - I don't know and I don't want to know what you two were talking about, but you need to wait until later to continue it. I need the room cleared for now while I examine him."

As Joanne just quietly nodded and stepped outside. The whole conversation hadn't gone the way that she'd intended. She should have known better and started out by apologizing. After all of her years with Roy, Joanne knew that when he was hurt and unable to do things, he tended to get broody and slightly depressed. Add that to everything else, his mental state should have been obvious. Sighing, she found a chair and sank into it, rubbing her forehead. She had to get out what needed to be said to Roy soon if she was going to be able to salvage what was left of their marriage.


	15. Chapter 15

Johnny got off of the elevator, chatting casually with Kim and Chris, but everything stopped dead when they saw Joanne sitting out in the waiting area. Johnny hurried over.

"What's going on? Roy's not in there alone, is he?"

A shake of her head was all the answer Joanne gave him. Exasperated by the lack of answers, Johnny headed for the room with the kids following along behind. He winced when he looked in and saw that Dr. Brackett was in there and had one of the restraints in hand. Taking a deep breath, Johnny stepped on into the room.

"If you're looking for someone to blame for those being off, that would be me, doc."

Brackett turned around, but whatever he'd started to say to Johnny was cut short when he saw the kids just behind him. He was still scowling though as he revised his question to Johnny.

"Might I ask why you took them off without consulting me first?"

"You weren't here and I couldn't break Roy out of wherever his mind had him until I did."

Kim darted around and circumvented the doctor to reach her father. Brackett was relieved that at least her presence got a positive response from Roy though he wasn't so sure that he approved of her climbing up to be beside him. He decided to let it go when he saw how cautious the girl was being of both the IV line and Roy's ribs.

"You have anything to do with the refusing medication part, John?"

Before Johnny could say anything, Chris piped up.

"Dr. Early was here and said Dad seemed to be sleeping fine without it."

"Oh, did he now?"

"Why yes, he did."

The voice from the doorway sounded slightly amused and no-one had to turn to know that the familiar voice belonged to Dr. Early. Dixie was at his side as well, but her eyes were on the waiting area where Joanne was still seated and seemed to be far too interested in the floor tiles. Giving Joe a light pat to let him know she was leaving his side, Dixie headed over to Joanne and sat down beside her.

Joanne didn't look up, but she knew Dixie was there and spoke to her before Dixie had a chance to say anything.

"Roy wants a divorce."

The tone of Joanne's voice was flat. Softly Dixie encouraged her.

"You know, that doesn't sound like something I would have expected to hear come out of Roy's mouth. Are those his words?"

"No, but that's what he meant."

"Tell me what he said."

Most times, Joanne would have just kept everything to herself, but right now the kids weren't in earshot and she needed to talk to someone. Before she even fully realized that she was doing it, Joanne was pouring it all out. Dixie didn't ask questions or interrupt, she just listened until Joanne ran out of words. Then Dixie took hold of her unresisting hand.

"Think back over the words that you just told me. Those didn't sound like the words of a man asking for a divorce. They sounded more like the words of a man who was offering a divorce to a woman he believed might have married him too young and for the wrong reasons."

"That's not what I want. I don't want a divorce. I **do** love him, even if he is right. I've done a very poor job of showing it lately."

Drawing in a deep breath, Joanne continued on.

"I was so mad when you and Ellen came over, but it started me thinking. I had a long talk with my sister who pretty basically called me out for acting like an idiot."

"Sorry for phrasing it this way, but how long do you think you've been acting like an idiot?"

A tired sigh came from Joanne as she answered.

"I can pretty much give you the date. It's been around thirteen months."

Doing a bit of quick math in her head, Dixie nodded.

"So, around a year back from last Thanksgiving?"

"On the nose. My mother was being nasty to Roy and instead of taking his side, I got embarrassed like he'd deliberately tried to make me look bad. Things kind of went along that same tone from there."

"May I make a couple of suggestions that will likely be wildly unpopular?"

There was a slight hesitation, but Joanne raised her head to look at Dixie, then nodded.

"Suggestion number one. Go in there and tell Roy what you told me. That a divorce is not what you want and that you know that you've been doing some things you aren't proud of."

"And suggestion number two?"

"Ask him to attend sessions with a therapist or counselor with you. Give it at least that same thirteen months to work before you decide if it failed or not. After that, you should both know if being together or being apart is what you really want. And you need to do it now, not later. The longer you let him lie in there and think that he was right about you not wanting him, the harder it's going to be to convince him otherwise."

"I was about to try and tell him - then Dr. Brackett walked in and ordered me out of the room."

A small smirk formed on Dixie's face.

"He's always had incredible timing. Come on. I'll shoo him out - if you're ready."

Getting to her feet, Joanne nodded.

"I think I'm as ready as I'm going to get. I - I'd like it if you and Johnny might stay in the room with us."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes. There's been too much miscommunication already. If I'm not making sense, I won't know it, but you could tell me to slow down. This is too important for me to lose him just because I'm not being clear."

"Alright. I'm in. Hopefully Johnny will be as well."

Dixie headed straight back into Roy's room and started speaking without preamble.

"Kel? Why don't you and Joe show Chris and Kim the base station while things are quiet. I'm sure they'd like to see that part of their father's job."

Brackett gave Dixie a _'what are you up to?'_ look, but Early just chuckled.

"Come on over, Chris. We're politely being asked to leave without fuss."

"I'll be here the whole time, Kel. It will be alright."

Kim took a moment to give her father a kiss, then carefully slid back off the bed and took hold of Dr. Brackett's hand, starting to lead him out - much to Dr. Early's amusement. When Brackett balked a little bit, Kim looked up to the doctor and spoke very matter-of-factly to him as if he had missed something obvious.

"Mom always says that in the hospital, we have to obey whatever Nurse Dixie tells us to do."

The smirk was full-blown on Dixie's face at that.

"When the young lady is right, she's right, Kel. Go on."

Muttering something under his breath about getting no support from Joe and being outnumbered, Dr. Brackett allowed Kim to lead him the rest of the way out of the room.


	16. Chapter 16

As the others left and Dixie shut the door, Johnny looked unsure if he should be staying or going – or simply leap out of a window. Seeing the flight response about to kick in on the young paramedic, Joanne directed her first words to him.

"Johnny? I'd really appreciate it if you'd stay here for this."

Then she noticed Roy's eyes were on her and stammered to silence again. But this time, Dixie was behind her to give her a nudge.

"What's more important here, Joanne? Your pride or your marriage?"

Swallowing, Joanne nodded at Dixie's words. She still couldn't quite meet Roy's eyes though and she ended up looking at his IV tube.

"Roy? There are a couple of things I'd like to get straight right away. First – I don't want a divorce."

Johnny's mouth dropped open at that.

"Whoa – wait. Divorce? Roy?"

"Easy, Junior. I don't want one either. I offered it because it seemed like she did."

The relief showing on Johnny's face was evident before a sheepish smile formed.

"Oh. Okay. Sorry for interrupting."

Dixie couldn't help but notice that Johnny had automatically moved to a more supportive position behind Roy and was now resting a hand on his partner's arm.

"Actually, that's what I wanted you and Dixie here for, Johnny. To make sure that I'm making sense. Because I know that for over a year now, I've been causing a lot of hurt and confusion and I really want that to stop. I do need to ask something, Roy. My mother has been nasty to you since the Thanksgiving before last. Why don't you ever say anything back to her?"

Roy answered back almost immediately.

"Jo? Why would I? I mean, I don't know if you've just not been paying attention, but while your mother sometimes tolerates me, she's never been nice to me. She was barely civil even at our wedding. Heck, she told **my** mother we were probably only getting married because you were pregnant."

That came as a bit of a shock to Joanne and it showed in both her expression and vocal tones.

"I wasn't pregnant. Well, not until the honeymoon."

Then Joanne suddenly remembered who was in the room with them and blushed. But she wasn't as flushed as Johnny was. Which amused Roy to no end.

"What's with that, Junior? I do have two kids, you know. You've been through paramedic training enough to know that the stork wasn't involved."

"You're lucky I'd feel guilty smacking a guy with injured ribs, pally."

The humor between the two paramedics gave Joanne a chance to catch her breath and partially still her whirling thoughts.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Actually, I did. You played it off as your mother hinting for grandchildren to be coming in the near future."

"Oh, God. I remember that now. Why didn't you -?"

"Why didn't I what? Yell at her? What would that have done other than make a scene at our reception? Honestly, Jo? I try not to interact with your mother any more that I have to because it just aggravates her and me both. I can't force her to like me or even tolerate me."

Roy paused briefly, trying to find the words.

"I'm good at fighting for things, Jo. But - remember why I didn't go on the school debate team?"

"You said it seemed too much like arguing just to argue rather than to find out any answers."

It hit Joanne then. Roy **had** been telling her about the troubles with her mother for years. It seemed so obvious to her now - why hadn't it dawned on her before? Roy didn't see where arguing with her mother would change anything, so he just refused to participate.

"You know - you're right. Arguing with mother wouldn't have done anything but given her more ammunition. And she's never needed help with that."

Running a hand through her hair, Joanne's eyes were now on the floor.

"Back at Thanksgiving last year, I should have stepped in and said something to her when she refused to let you get some sleep. I knew that you were exhausted. I also know that just saying _'I'm sorry'_ to you isn't going to cut it, Roy, but I hope it's at least a start. I'd – I'd like for us to see a therapist together. Looking back, I can see some of the mistakes I've made. Things I let fester that don't even make all that much sense to me anymore as to why I let them get to me."

"Jo, you said at first that there were a couple of things you wanted to get straight. What's the second one?"

"That I do love you, Roy DeSoto. Even if I haven't said it or shown it nearly enough this last year. And I'm sorry I let you think for even a minute that I only married you to rebel against my mother."

Johnny's mouth was an 'O' again, though he quickly shut it when he realized it was open. Well, that explained why Roy had been so down. That had to have been a major blow.

Joanne finally looked up again and met Roy's eyes.

"Give me until next Christmas, Roy. To show you that I mean what I've said. I already had a talk with my mother on the way over here. She's been given fair warning, but we won't know how well that will go over until our first visit there. And you won't be ready for that for awhile yet."

Roy's eyes were slightly unfocused, but she could tell that he was trying to pay close attention.

"Dr. Brackett nailed me with pain medication so I can't guarantee you might not have to repeat some of this to me. But I do want us to try and work this out, Jo."

Dixie spoke up softly.

"Just remember you didn't get to where you are now overnight. You won't get back from there overnight either."


	17. Chapter 17

While still a little miffed that Roy's daughter was of the opinion that Dixie ran the hospital, Dr. Brackett had to admit that the time Dixie had requested for them to be alone with Roy had worked wonders for the paramedic's mood. Now that he was satisfied that Roy wasn't showing any delayed trauma from the blasts, he released him from the hospital the next day - with the strict admonition to rest and not do anything to aggravate his ribs. Johnny volunteered to give Chris a hand with Roy's normal household tasks until the doctor gave Roy a clean bill of health to return to full activity.

It didn't really come as a surprise that Joanne's mother made a half-request/half-demand for a visit from their family on New Years Day. After Christmas, neither of the kids were really looking forward to it, but Aunt Cathy and Uncle Jack would be there. Joanne would be the one driving since Roy was still on pain medication. For his part, Roy said nothing for or against the trip. He and the kids played various car games along the way, like trying to spot out of state tags.

When they arrived, Kim and Chris flanked their father so that they would be there to fend off any possible hugging in case anyone forgot or didn't know about their dad's mending ribs. Cathy and Jack were the first wave of greeters and introduced Roy to some of the others that had been invited. When Roy was re-introduced to Michael Zane, he pretended that he couldn't quite place where he might have known Joanne's old flame from.

Joanne had gotten a discrete heads up from Cathy that their mother had practically told Michael that she had always regretted turning him down. So when Joanne went to Michael to shake hands with him, Cathy was hard pressed not to start laughing when Joanne took a similar tact as Roy had - only a little meaner.

"Michael Zane - that sounds so familiar. Didn't I have a class with a younger brother of yours?"

Most of the chairs sat out were of the harder variety and the couch was one of those that people practically sank into. There were only a few upholstered chairs that would give enough support that Roy could sit in them without a lot of discomfort and, as one of them was currently vacant, he settled down in it with Kim sticking near while Chris went to get a drink for her and their dad.

Joanne's mother picked that time to make an appearance. Her greetings to both of her daughters were on the theatrical side. Jack got the next greeting, though now that she was watching for it, Joanne noticed that her mother was introducing Jack more by his company and title than by his actual name. Kim and Chris got kisses and hugs. Roy got a remark.

"Finally decided to leave the hospital?"

Roy answered it as if it were a normal question rather than borderline rude.

"Yes. Always nice when the doctor agrees that you can go home."

The mention of the hospital seemed to click Roy's identity in place for one of the guests. He came over and offered Roy a handshake.

"Hey - you're that fireman medic guy that was in the paper the other day, aren't you?"

Taking the offered hand, Roy just gave him a slight smile.

"I have to admit that I don't know. I haven't seen a paper since Christmas Eve."

From his side, Chris spoke up.

"That was him alright. I saw that issue. I think Uncle Johnny saved it for you to look at later, Dad. The Medinas said some really nice things about you and him."

After that, Roy found himself as the center of attention and fielding quite a few questions - some rather goofy and others very serious. He did his best to politely answer all of them - at least those that he actually knew the answers to.

The more her neighbors seemed to treat Roy as her guest of honor, the more prickly his mother-in-law was getting. When things died down after awhile and the others had moved off to other conversations, she went over to Roy.

"Why don't we get you moved over to the couch? The chairs are really just for company."

Cathy's eyes narrowed, but Joanne had heard and gave an exaggerated look at her watch.

"Would you look at the time? Kids, say goodbye to your grandmother. It's time to go."

Her mother turned to look at her. So did Kim and Chris, but after a moment of surprise, both of the kids grinned at their mother and immediately hugged their grandmother before hurrying over to say goodbye to their aunt and uncle.

"But - but - you've only been here an hour. We haven't even eaten yet."

"I know. Such a shame we can't stay, but we simply must get going."

As she got close enough to give her mother a farewell kiss, she spoke softly.

"I believe I told you that I won't argue or discuss this with you, Mom. Happy New Year."

"But Joanne -?"

True to her word, Joanne didn't stay to discuss the matter. She moved over to help Roy get back up so that he wouldn't strain his side. Once he was on his feet, he pulled her into a hug and spoke softly into her ear.

"Have I told you today that I'm crazy about you, Mrs. DeSoto?"

"Yes, but I don't think I can ever hear that enough, because I'm crazy about you too, Mr. DeSoto."

They held hands as they made their farewells on the way out, breaking contact only for Joanne to give her sister a hug while Roy shook hands with Jack. Cathy touched foreheads with her older sister briefly after the hug.

"So, does this mean the smart one is coming back to the forefront?"

"You're no slouch in the brains department yourself, Sis. Thanks for the kick in the pants."

"What else are baby sisters for if not for reality checks?"


	18. Chapter 18

By the time Roy was cleared to return to full duty, he and Joanne had already started bi-weekly sessions with a therapist, Dr. Layne, a personable woman that both of them felt comfortable with. It was a unpleasant revelation to Joanne when she began to figure out just how much she had been subconsciously judging success and failure by parameters set by her mother's standards. As for Roy? Once he began to slowly open up, Joanne was frankly shocked at the number of things that her quiet husband kept beneath the surface. The confidence Roy had with himself regarding the things he could do was nowhere to be found with the things that he felt. And while Joanne had figured out that Roy had nightmares on occasion, she hadn't known just how frequently he had them.

That turned out to be one thing that the therapist helped a lot on. With her encouragement, Roy began to talk in more than generalities and, for the first time, spoke about some of the more wrenching things he'd seen on his job that stuck with him. Especially those calls that had involved children. Joanne knew he was still sanitizing what he was describing, but even so, it was more than she'd ever known before about the demons that sometimes plagued Roy's sleep.

Not that everything went smoothly just because their sessions were going so well. Joanne had to actively watch to keep herself from sliding into what had, over the last year, become a pattern for her. She ended up enlisting the kids. She put a small jar in 'Command Central' with a small bowl beside it that held the beads from a necklace that the string had broken on. The kids didn't have to confront their mother or say anything. Every time that they heard her saying something to or about someone that sounded 'a little too much like Grandmother', they were to drop a bead into the jar. Whenever she saw a bead in the jar, Joanne knew she needed to think back over what she had done or said recently. The beads were fairly frequent occurrences during the first few weeks, but as spring moved to summer and then to fall, the beads rarely entered the jar any more.

Seeing the empty jar on the counter proved to be a real confidence booster for her. It meant that not only did she think she was doing better, her family was noticing and thought she was doing better as well. The usual perils of being a firefighter/paramedic intruded, but they were talking about it more and that seemed to help both of them.

The first major test came when Johnny ended up in the hospital just before Thanksgiving. Roy was forced to leave the hospital to get some rest, but he hadn't been asleep long before Joanne realized he was in the grip of a nightmare. She resisted the urge to touch him and instead stayed to the side and called out his name until he finally responded. Breathing hard and covered in sweat, it took another minute for him to fully recognize where he was.

"Jo?"

"Right here. Are you alright, Roy?"

Sitting up and running his hand over his face, Roy gave a brief nod.

"Sorry. I should have realized that was coming and gone down to the couch."

She just stared at him for a moment while that sank in.

"Wait a minute. You mean that's why I'll find you on the couch sometimes?"

He just nodded again.

"No need to wreck sleep for both of us, right? Jo?"

When Roy lowered his hands away from his face, he wasn't quite sure what the expression on his wife's face meant. She finally sighed and sat down next to him, leaning against his body despite the dampness.

"You have no idea how many nights I've sat here and wondered if I'd said or done something wrong. If you were tired of me. Just didn't want to be bothered."

Hearing what thoughts had been running through her mind, Roy groaned.

"You're right. I had no idea. We could be poster models for miscommunication, could we?"

"I rather we weren't anymore. Roy? Do you think you could tell me what the nightmare was about?"

"It's not pretty, honey."

"If it was pretty, you wouldn't be having nightmares about it. Talk to me. Please. Was it something to do with Johnny?"

She was surprised when he shook his head.

"No."

For a moment, she thought that was all he was going to say, but then he wrapped his arms around her and began speaking softly.

"It was back with my unit. One of the newer guys twisted his ankle, of all things. He was eighteen, went into the Army straight out of school. Anyway, I was checking him over to make sure he hadn't broken anything. I don't even remember anymore what it was that I needed out of my kit, but I leaned back to get it. While I was looking away, there was a noise. Kind of like a buzz from a flying insect and there were plenty of insects over there."

"When I turned back around, he was dead. Buzzing noise I heard was probably the bullet that killed him. I know this is going to sound weird, but it didn't really get to me until about a week later. That when we got word that there was a small team going around targeting medics and doctors."

"My CO figured what happened was that the shooter was targeting me and when I moved for my kit, the bullet hit the kid instead of me. And I know it isn't logical. I didn't even know the guy was out there. But I still feel like I'm partially responsible for killing that kid."

Joanne just held him, thinking back on the times when Johnny would get frustrated because it seemed like any time that he got even a slight injury, Roy seemed to feel responsible for not being able to prevent it. She made a mental note to herself to try and bring it up during their next therapy session. She didn't feel comfortable trying to tackle it on her own, but he was bearing burdens. Heavy ones. She didn't him to keep them to himself for so long that they broke him.

After a few minutes, she urged him up and into a warm shower while she changed the sheets. She hoped a change of topic before going back to sleep might allow him to get a little rest.

"You know, Dr. Early seemed hopeful that Johnny will be out before Thanksgiving, but he'll still be needing to take things easy. Why don't we ask him to stay in the guest room and we'll have Thanksgiving right here for the five of us?"

As he settled back into bed, Roy drew Joanne over to him.

"I'd like that. I'd like that a lot. But you mother -"

She stopped him before he could finish that thought.

"I've been thinking a lot about that. When I was growing up, Mom didn't take me to my grandparent's house every Thanksgiving. Most of them were spent at home with just my parents and us kids. That's what I'd like to do too. With Johnny added in. He's half your younger brother and half your oldest son, I think."

That got a much desired laugh from Roy.

"Please don't let Johnny hear you say that. Stick with the younger brother part."


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but it felt right to have it to itself.

As Thanksgiving Day arrived, Joanne stressed herself by trying to do too much, but Roy captured her from behind in a hug.

"Jo - if you're doing all of this because you want to, great. You know we all love your cooking and Johnny can always stand to gain a few pounds. But you aren't competing with anybody. If you decide that turkey sandwiches are the meal of the day, we'll eat that. It's the being together part that's important to me, honey - not the food. And for that matter, how about letting the kids and me have a go in here? You can delegate the peeling to Chris and chopping to me. And you know Kim will take a ruler to the table to get all the place settings just right."

Joanne started to laugh and relaxed, following the suggestion and pulling everyone else into the preparations. Even Johnny got into the act when they parked him at one end of the kitchen table and surrounded him with ingredients for the salad. They were all talking and joking while working. To her surprise, Joanne found that, for the first time, preparing the meal was as enjoyable as the sitting down and eating of it. And for once, the day was the kind of Thanksgiving that Roy had always imagined having with his family.

When Christmas rolled around, the DeSotos were planning to celebrate it at home with Johnny, Cathy and Jack all present. They were going to get together on Christmas Eve since Roy and Johnny had to work on Christmas Day. Johnny would be sleeping over and Kim had requested and been given permission to make Uncle Johnny's room festive. Joanne's mother had been invited, but turned down the invitation and tried to switch it to her home. Joanne kept to her new policy of not arguing.

"I'm so sorry you won't be able to come, Mom. But we're expecting guests, so we couldn't possibly make it. The kids and I will come by on the 22nd to visit and drop off your presents."

The visit started out well enough, but before an hour had passed, Joanne's mother began to push for having the Christmas celebration at her house again.

"It's nice of you to offer, Mom, but Roy has to work on Christmas Day."

"You and the children could always come over here. Honestly, how many Christmas in a row will that be that have been ruined?"

Kim and Chris both immediately stopped what they were doing and turned their faces toward their mother. She noticed and gave them a smile back.

"Time to head home, kids. Give your grandmother hugs and kisses."

"Joanne, you can't be serious. You just got here!"

"I'm very serious, Mom. We already talked about this. If you want visits to be longer, you already know what needs to be done."

Chris gave a quick kiss and hug, then went to wait by the door. When Kim went to hug their grandmother, she spoke to her very softly.

"Grandma? Do you like my eyes?"

For all her faults, she genuinely adored her two grandchildren and smiled as she reached out to stroke Kim's hair.

"Yes I do, darling. You have beautiful eyes, Kim."

The young girl fixed the bright blue eyes - slightly brighter than usual because of held-back tears - on her grandmother.

"Can't you at least like Daddy a little for giving them to me?"

"Oh, baby . . ."

Wrapping her granddaughter in a hug, she looked up at her daughter. Joanne's words about her actions affecting her relationship to her grandchildren suddenly made sense. She knew with sudden bright clarity that if she made the children feel that they had to choose between her and their father? Their father would be the one they would choose. With a heavy heart, she realized that Chris had already made that choice.

Joanne just gave her mother a slightly sad smile when she saw the troubled look in her eyes.

"I told you that you'd figure out what I meant, Mom."


	20. Chapter 20

Christmas Eve was a surprise for all concerned. Even though they'd been married to sisters for several years, Jack and Roy had never really just sat and talked to one another. Not only did they discover that they had a love for wood working in common, Jack found a kindred spirit in Johnny for getting out into the wilderness. Cathy didn't know whether to be pleased or feel outnumbered as the three men began talking about a joint camping trip for the seven of them. Joanne just gave her younger sister a pat.

"May as well decide to enjoy it. Besides, I have a solid rule. I do no cooking in woodland settings. And it is very peaceful. No ringing phones, no knocks on the door."

Hearing that last, Roy just grinned.

"No doors either."

Kim was happily arranging two of her dolls in her present from her father this year. It had taken him a good month to get it just right, but he'd made her a wooden pram, wide enough for 'twins'. Chris's present had been two-fold - a wooden model ship that Roy had put together for him and a model kit so that Chris could try his own hand at it.

"You're just about the age now that I was when my dad started letting me make things, so I thought you might like to try it. But remember - it's just a hobby. And like sports, some you enjoy and some you don't. If you give it a try and don't care to continue, it's not a big deal. We'll figure out another hobby that you do like."

"Like you and Uncle Johnny working on that old fire engine?"

"That's an example. Your mom like to paint. There's no wrong or right when it comes to a hobby."

Cathy chimed in then.

"That's true. Your Uncle Jack does macramé. He's really good at it too."

Kim's head was up.

"What's macramé, Aunt Cathy?"

In answer, Cathy held out one arm.

"See my bracelet? Your Uncle Jack made that for me back when we were dating."

"No fooling?"

That last was from Johnny who came over to get a better look.

"Wow. I never would have guessed that didn't come from a store. How did you work those beads in?"

Roy wasn't sure how exactly it started, but they all ended up sitting near the Christmas tree practicing some knots with cord that Joanne had managed to dig up. Kim was absolutely enchanted when her Uncle Jack made a simple bracelet for one of her dolls. Roy leaned his chin briefly on Joanne's shoulder. In her ear, his tone was a pleasing combination of contentment and amusement.

"Not exactly a Norman Rockwell Christmas scene, is it?"

"No, but you know what, Roy? I'd almost bet that this Christmas is going to one of those that the kids remember when they're our age."

The next day, Roy and Johnny rode together to their Christmas shift, a cake from Joanne to share with the rest of A shift held carefully in Johnny's lap. After role call, Cap called for fresh coffee to go with sampling the cake.

"A little caffeine and cake before I hand out assignments and maybe you guys will have the energy to knock out your chores."

Chet took a bite of the cake and closed his eyes.

"Man - all the good cooks are already married."

Getting a piece for himself, Marco just grinned at his friend.

"Aren't you after a pretty girl, Chet?"

"Oh, sure. But my Mom told me to always remember that pretty girls are a dime a dozen, but a good cook is priceless."

"Okay, twits - while you're stuffing your faces, listen up. Marco - sorry. Everyone was on time and you're up for rotation on latrine duty."

"Cap?"

"What is it, Kelly?"

"I'll take that. Marco pulled latrine duty for me last month when I had those stitches in my hand."

Giving Chet a nudge, Marco shook his head.

"Hey - I didn't mind doing that. Paybacks aren't necessary."

"I know I don't have to - I want to. Don't look a little Christmas spirit in the mouth, pal."

Captain Stanley just shook his head fondly.

"Twits. Fine. Chet, you have the latrine. John and Roy - dorms. Marco - clean up in here. Mike - you have the bay. Finish your cake and hop to it."

The guys exchanged looks. Marco was the one to ask what they were all wondering.

"Cap? You didn't assign cooking duty."

"You're right. I didn't. Get on it, guys. I'd prefer we get done before we get toned out."

When the tones did sound, it was just for the Squad. A drunk driving incident that they were relieved didn't involve any fatalities. Still, it took them awhile to get the injured treated and off to Rampart. By the time they were heading back to the station, both paramedics were starting to feel hungry.

"You think Cap is doing the cooking tonight, Roy?"

"Maybe. I sure wouldn't turn down a bowl of his clam chowder on a night like this."

"Me either. Wind's got a bite behind it tonight."

Backing the squad into its spot, Roy saw Johnny sniffing before he even had his door fully opened.

"That doesn't smell like chowder, but it sure smells good, whatever it is."

As his mouth began to water when the scent reached him, Roy had to agree. As they went to see what was smelling so good, they entered to see four civilians in with their shift-mates. Roy didn't really remember any of them, but Johnny recognized them.

"Mr. and Mrs. Medina! And, let me see if I can remember - Jorge and Eliana, right?"

Introductions were quickly made as Mr. Medina held his hand out to Roy. Before the hand could be taken, Mrs. Medina impulsively moved in to hug him.

"I am so happy that you are looking so well again."

Mr. Medina laid his free hand on his wife's shoulder.

"There aren't words enough to tell you what you did for us, but your Captain agreed to let us try to show you. We brought dinner for you and your co-workers."

"Wow."

The one word from Johnny was short, but expressive as he viewed the table. There was probably enough food that the next shift would be able to feast on the leftovers.

It didn't take much encouragement for the men to all dig in. It turned out that Mr. Medina was the co-owner of a small restaurant. After sampling the food, all of the men made note of it. They'd be paying visits to it in the future.

Eliana and Jorge stayed as close to Roy and Johnny as they could. Eliana was even more determined that she wanted to be either a paramedic or a doctor when she grew up. Johnny told her the story about when he first met Roy and how Roy talked him into joining the paramedic program. The parents hadn't been aware that Roy was actually one of the original six paramedics and seemed impressed, though Roy was a bit embarrassed. He did promise to send Eliana information on the program to look over though. Roy wasn't about to discourage someone who might well be one of the next generation of paramedics.

The tones stayed blissfully quiet while the men enjoyed the food and the company. Even after the Medinas had left for the night, they only had two calls, one of which ended up being a false alarm.

When shift change arrived, the oncoming shift was thrilled with the leftovers. Especially as it was the turn of one of their less talented cooks - the one that normally ended up serving grilled cheese and tomato soup every time he came up for kitchen rotation.

As Roy drove them back to his house, Johnny gave a contented sigh and laid his head against the back of the seat. Roy gave a fond glance over to his best friend.

"Far cry from where we were and how we felt this time last year, isn't it, Junior?"

"Sure is. Much as I like the guys at Rampart, a hospital is never going to be my first choice for where to spend Christmas. And this year, you didn't go home to nothing under the tree. I remember how bad that shook you up."

"Yeah. It did. I never would have guessed back then how things turned out now."

"Think your mother-in-law will ever come around?"

"Who knows? I hope so for Jo's sake. And the kids. I never got to know my own grandparents. I don't expect she'll ever even like me. But, you know? I'll be happy if she just keeps it civil in front of the kids."

"At least your other in-laws are pretty cool. Jack and Cathy seem to be really nice people."

Roy pulled into the drive and parked.

"Home again. Come on, Johnny. Let's go tell Joanne how well her cake went over with the guys."

"Think she'll mind me talking about how Chet looked with crumbs in his cheesy moustache?"

"Are you kidding? She'll be mad that you didn't take pictures."

Draping an arm across Johnny's shoulders as they headed for the door, Roy thought back on what he'd said to Johnny earlier. This really was a far cry from last year. He could remember all too well the dismal thoughts that had gone through his mind as he had tried to sleep on the couch in the dark, empty house. Now, he could see the warm light coming from the windows and hear the sounds of laughter.

It felt good to be home.


End file.
